"I don't know if you're pretty or goth…"
"Why can't she be both?"
We live in such a strange world. To say the least. It's interesting to watch people, our behaviours, our judgements on others. In our continual strife to belong, to fit in, to feel better about ourselves we so easily fall off track and get wrapped up in concepts that truly don't matter and truly only cause us to be more lost down the rabbit hole of self discovery.
It's just strange to really take a step back and observe the way we put ourselves and others into categories. And in today's day and age there are soooo many labels we toss around, I mean we place people into groups like goths, punks, metal-heads, scenesters, hipsters, geeks, nerds, gamers, and so forth.
But you are Not a category. You are a Human Being.
You don't have to fit into any one category or label. Yet people cling to these labels as if they are their very identity. Everything they do is with the conscious thought as to whether or not their actions and behaviours make them a true "insert category here." You know what I'm talking about. Or at least hopefully you can open your eyes enough to. I've seen this behaviour forever. I saw metal-heads that actually Researched ways of how to be more metal. I see the hipsters that are too cool to talk to anyone other than other hipsters, only wear clothes that their friends are wearing as well. And let's not lose sight of this new bashing of girl gamers. Honestly, seeing a lot of the pro or bashing "girl gamers" was what finally initiated me to finally write about this topic. I mean there are so many girls coming forth now, admitting and being proud that they play video games, read comic books, and are "geeks." Then there's the backlash of "hardcore" girl gamers who rebut these new gamer girls by calling them "fakes" because they've been playing video games and being geeks from the start.
Obviously, this behaviour is not exclusive to just the gamer category, it is, of course, within every little clique. Everyone is always trying to outdo each other. Everyone is constantly trying to be the best "insert category here." And because of this, people are constantly bashing each other, whether it's within their own clique for not being "hardcore" enough, or if it's bashing another clique for being "lame" or "stupid."
And what do we know about people bashing that I've discussed before? That it comes from a place of insecurity. If you are feeling the need to put down others it's only because you are insecure about yourself. If you are lashing out then it's your own Self crying out. It's a problem with your Self, not with anyone else. Think about that for a moment. If you had complete and utter love for yourself you would Never feel the need to put down others. You would be so filled with love that it would never even cross your mind. Period.
So where am I going with this? Be Yourself!!!
People are thriving to be Someone, to be Something, to be the Best Someone. You Are already the Best. You are the Best version of Yourself! So stop trying to fit in and belong to a group. One single group, clique, category, label, or whatever you want to call it, cannot satisfy you and cannot define you. You are a complex human being with a multitude of interests, loves, dislikes, ambitions, and characteristics. Trying to mould yourself into a type-cast is counter productive.
I get it, I've been there, I mean who hasn't in one way or another? In school we try to fit in with some sort of group and it's where a lot of the type-casting and judging begins. How about it ends there? There is Nothing wrong with self-exploration, with trying out new things, with having interests within a label. For instance, just because you like a certain style of clothing doesn't make you a "insert category here." Chances are your Real Self includes a variety from most of these individual categories. If you want to fit in then start by fitting in your Own Skin. Accept what you do or don't like instead of having a stereotype define that for you.
I remember going through my own stages. I was a bit of a goth, I was a "rocker chick" (whatever that is), a metal-head, a nerd, a hippie… truth is I think I realized fairly early that I didn't fit into one single category though I may have tried or wanted to. Part of that might have been because I never really belonged in high school--I was a "frenchie" (for being in french immersion) for a long time but it wasn't really defining which I'm grateful for--so I never got stuck in one mindset. Anyway, I still went through the motions like most of us do of questioning my identity, of trying to fit in, of trying to find a clique to belong to. It just never happened. I still blocked out parts of myself I considered "uncool" or that I felt people would judge me for. Finally, I embraced all sides of myself. And I love myself, I love every part of myself, and that's because I accept, appreciate, and embrace all that I am.
I don't remember what it was I was wearing, but one day my brother looked at me and said "I don't know whether you're pretty or goth." My husband replied, "why can't she be both?" The gears in my brother's head were turning after that, I mean, what a concept!
You can't put me in a category, but you sure as hell can try. I still love metal music, but I also listen to just about everything else. I don't just wear black anymore, I wear a ton of colour and I wear a ton of different styles of clothing depending on my mood (if you've seen my clothing then you know this already). I'm still an eco-lovin', tree-huggin' vegan. I also sometimes play video games, though I have a tendency to get half way through a game and then stop. I love anime, but I am in no way an expert or "connoisseur," I simply enjoy watching some shows, checking out artwork, and drawing. Oh yeah, and I draw again--the side of me I tucked away. I write my own novel and draw my own anime characters. I have a fascination and love for character artwork which is probably why I love observing video games than actually playing them. I love kawaii and cute things, and drawing them of course. I dance around like a fool (sometimes in public). I'm usually smiling. And I feel however the hell I want to feel and do whatever the hell I want to do. Why? Because I accept all sides of myself and I'm not trying to impress anyone.
So my advice is to stop trying to impress others. It's the bottom line to all of it. We are trying to fit in so we are trying to impress people--whether you'll admit to it or not. On the flip side, don't judge others for they are either, it's just another sad form of bullying and it has no place. You are not better than anyone else and no one is better than you. Stop looking to others for approval and instead look to yourself. If you like something, then like it! If you don't like something then don't let it be a part of your character. If you are the biggest nerd around, then be the biggest damn nerd around, but you don't need to boast about it or impress people. If you love metal music but you also sometimes love listing to Britney Spears, then do it and don't be ashamed. If you like hipster clothing on some days and on other days you want to dress like a punk, then Do It!
Be Yourself and stop trying to fit in. It is the only way you will start to be genuinely Happy, to start Living life to the fullest, and forming true lasting relationships with others. Being someone you're not is a waste of you are. You are You, you are not a category. So fit into your own skin, be free to discover who you Really are, and never be ashamed.
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