☺ Steps to Self Care ☺

It's easy to fall apart. It's easy to not love yourself and to feel as if things are always going wrong. It's also easy to fall back into bad habits when things get tough. If you want to be happy, to feel good every single day, then here is your guide to Self-Care: 

Stop Worrying. Stop over thinking so much or you'll create problems that aren't even there. Don't think, don't wonder, don't imagine, don't obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best. If you do this then it will. Most of our problems are created by our own minds, so learn to let go, allow things to pass, and stay positive and focussed on the joy of the moment. It won't steer you wrong. 

Stop Complaining. Complaining is our worse habit. Break it. It attracts more and more negative things and keeps you in the cycle of unhappiness and stress. Every time you catch yourself complaining replace those words with ones of positivity. Choose to talk more about your joys. Choose to talk about the things you're grateful for. Talk about the things that enrich your life. As a general rule; for every complaint, list ten things you're grateful for instead. 

Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. You are an amazing person! Stop being concerned about whether or not you are living up to someone else's expectations. Your value is not based on anyone else's thoughts or opinions, it is based on how You see yourself. So Embrace your uniqueness, your loveliness, your abilities and talents. Be Happy with yourself inside and out. In the end only your own opinion of yourself is what matters, so make it positive and love yourself and be the person you want to be. Appreciate yourself and your path will be lighter. 

Love Who You are. And accept that you are worthy of all goods things. Insecurities are perhaps our biggest downfall. They make us feel unworthy in relationships. They make us feel insecure in our jobs, our lives, our actions. They make us feel uncomfortable simply by being ourselves and living in our own skin. Drop those fears, insecurities and feelings of self worth. You Are Worthy! You are brilliant! You are amazing! Remind yourself every single day that you are worthy of good things, that you are fantastic, that people love you and want to be around you. Make it your daily mantra. Fall in love with yourself. Write down every day things you love about yourself. Focus on love for yourself every single day, every single minute. Learn to love yourself and others will too. 

Be Yourself. There is no wrong or right way of being yourself. You are You. Uniquely, wonderfully you. You have amazing qualities, abilities, and talents unique to you. There are so many different qualities people can have, and you are a vessel of your own combination of these qualities that makes you uniquely you. You may be completely different than one person and then share interests with another. Discover yourself. Be Yourself and never be ashamed of whatever that might be. Because when you learn to be yourself you will attract other like-minded people and your relationships will become more fulfilling and real. 

Live Your Life. Your life is your own. Your own beautifully unique and fantastic life that no one else can decide for you. We are all different and what is right for one person may not be right for another; so stop allowing someone else's opinions dictate Your Life. Don't worry about what people think. Don't concern yourself with what other people are doing. There is no "right" way, there is only your own way because it is Your Life. You don't need to follow the flock, you should be setting yourself free and following your own passions. Chase your own dreams, live your own life. 

Don't be afraid of Failure. Make mistakes, embrace failures. If you never try you'll never know, you'll never learn, and you'll never grow. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. So stop trying to avoid making such mistakes or you'll risk missing out on your own potential and your own life. Own your mistakes, chase your mistakes, learn and grow from your mistakes. And try try again.  

Face your Troubles. When we run from our problems, they consume us, they chase us, they become embedded incessantly in our minds never to let go. When we stand up and face our troubles then we place ourselves in the position to overcome, learn from, and move on from those problems. No more hiding or running; Stand up and face them. 

Let go of what you Can't Control. Often we are people pleasers. We want to make everything okay. We throw ourselves into the middle of some pretty bad situations because we think we can help or change a person. I'm not saying helping people is bad, in fact it's great. But what is bad is disregarding your own self care. You can't change people, they have to want to change themselves. And you can't control everything and certainly not certain situations. The best way to help is to be happy and calm and accept when you can or cannot help. And when you cannot help then learn to take a step back and let go instead of carrying that weight with you. 

Avoid Drama and Negativity as much as Possible. Again, stop throwing yourself into the middle of some ordeal. Often we do this because it's actually a subconscious addiction, an old habit in which we feel the need to self harm due to habit and lack of self-worth. So, again, you cannot change or control people. Surrounding yourself with such drama or negativity doesn't help them and it doesn't help you. It's more than okay to step away. Just be happy, be yourself, keep smiling and you'll help them in the biggest way by being an inspiration for them to strive for. 

Undo Self Harm. Many people have self-destructive habits we turn to when things get tough. Some people drink, some do drugs, others have eating disorders, others cut themselves or inflict self harm. These are all negative qualities that we turn to when we are down. They become habit. It isn't usually as simple as just stopping, and in thinking so we usually get down on ourselves when we can't "just stop." Recognize the self-destructive habit and then pay attention to what things trigger it. The only way to overcome it is to conquer it, to work through the issues that make you turn to it. Just remember; you cannot fully love yourself (and therefor fully be happy) if you continue to harm yourself, as this is simply not a loving act. Learn to love yourself and you will never want to harm yourself again. 

Trust Your Heart. If something feels wrong, don't do it. If something doesn't resonate with you, don't do it. If you get negative yucky vibes from someone, don't be around that person. Your heart knows things your head can't always understand. Learn to trust your instincts and listen to your feelings. Trust and follow your heart. 

Depend on Yourself for Happiness. Your happiness is not dependent on others. Your happiness isn't by chance, it's a choice you have to make. Others cannot make you happy. Things cannot make you happy. They may contribute to momentary joy, but not to everlasting happiness. You are the master of your fate. You are the decider. You must choose to wake up every day with a smile, to see the good, to seek the positive, and to embrace the joys of your own being and your own life. Happiness is within your grasp. You decide.

Own your life, own your actions, your words, your beautiful personality. Stay Positive and keep learning and growing and self-discovering. 

Much Love! 

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☺ Stop Placing Yourself in a Category and Just Be Yourself! ☺

"I don't know if you're pretty or goth…"

"Why can't she be both?"

We live in such a strange world. To say the least. It's interesting to watch people, our behaviours, our judgements on others. In our continual strife to belong, to fit in, to feel better about ourselves we so easily fall off track and get wrapped up in concepts that truly don't matter and truly only cause us to be more lost down the rabbit hole of self discovery.  

It's just strange to really take a step back and observe the way we put ourselves and others into categories. And in today's day and age there are soooo many labels we toss around, I mean we place people into groups like goths, punks, metal-heads, scenesters, hipsters, geeks, nerds, gamers, and so forth. 

But you are Not a category. You are a Human Being. 

You don't have to fit into any one category or label. Yet people cling to these labels as if they are their very identity. Everything they do is with the conscious thought as to whether or not their actions and behaviours make them a true "insert category here." You know what I'm talking about. Or at least hopefully you can open your eyes enough to. I've seen this behaviour forever. I saw metal-heads that actually Researched ways of how to be more metal. I see the hipsters that are too cool to talk to anyone other than other hipsters, only wear clothes that their friends are wearing as well. And let's not lose sight of this new bashing of girl gamers. Honestly, seeing a lot of the pro or bashing "girl gamers" was what finally initiated me to finally write about this topic. I mean there are so many girls coming forth now, admitting and being proud that they play video games, read comic books, and are "geeks." Then there's the backlash of "hardcore" girl gamers who rebut these new gamer girls by calling them "fakes" because they've been playing video games and being geeks from the start. 

Obviously, this behaviour is not exclusive to just the gamer category, it is, of course, within every little clique. Everyone is always trying to outdo each other. Everyone is constantly trying to be the best "insert category here." And because of this, people are constantly bashing each other, whether it's within their own clique for not being "hardcore" enough, or if it's bashing another clique for being "lame" or "stupid." 

And what do we know about people bashing that I've discussed before? That it comes from a place of insecurity. If you are feeling the need to put down others it's only because you are insecure about yourself. If you are lashing out then it's your own Self crying out. It's a problem with your Self, not with anyone else. Think about that for a moment. If you had complete and utter love for yourself you would Never feel the need to put down others. You would be so filled with love that it would never even cross your mind. Period. 

So where am I going with this? Be Yourself!!! 

People are thriving to be Someone, to be Something, to be the Best Someone. You Are already the Best. You are the Best version of Yourself! So stop trying to fit in and belong to a group. One single group, clique, category, label, or whatever you want to call it, cannot satisfy you and cannot define you. You are a complex human being with a multitude of interests, loves, dislikes, ambitions, and characteristics. Trying to mould yourself into a type-cast is counter productive. 

I get it, I've been there, I mean who hasn't in one way or another? In school we try to fit in with some sort of group and it's where a lot of the type-casting and judging begins. How about it ends there? There is Nothing wrong with self-exploration, with trying out new things, with having interests within a label. For instance, just because you like a certain style of clothing doesn't make you a "insert category here." Chances are your Real Self includes a variety from most of these individual categories. If you want to fit in then start by fitting in your Own Skin. Accept what you do or don't like instead of having a stereotype define that for you. 

I remember going through my own stages. I was a bit of a goth, I was a "rocker chick" (whatever that is), a metal-head, a nerd, a hippie… truth is I think I realized fairly early that I didn't fit into one single category though I may have tried or wanted to. Part of that might have been because I never really belonged in high school--I was a "frenchie" (for being in french immersion) for a long time but it wasn't really defining which I'm grateful for--so I never got stuck in one mindset. Anyway, I still went through the motions like most of us do of questioning my identity, of trying to fit in, of trying to find a clique to belong to. It just never happened. I still blocked out parts of myself I considered "uncool" or that I felt people would judge me for. Finally, I embraced all sides of myself. And I love myself, I love every part of myself, and that's because I accept, appreciate, and embrace all that I am. 

I don't remember what it was I was wearing, but one day my brother looked at me and said "I don't know whether you're pretty or goth." My husband replied, "why can't she be both?" The gears in my brother's head were turning after that, I mean, what a concept! 

You can't put me in a category, but you sure as hell can try. I still love metal music, but I also listen to just about everything else. I don't just wear black anymore, I wear a ton of colour and I wear a ton of different styles of clothing depending on my mood (if you've seen my clothing then you know this already). I'm still an eco-lovin', tree-huggin' vegan. I also sometimes play video games, though I have a tendency to get half way through a game and then stop. I love anime, but I am in no way an expert or "connoisseur," I simply enjoy watching some shows, checking out artwork, and drawing. Oh yeah, and I draw again--the side of me I tucked away. I write my own novel and draw my own anime characters. I have a fascination and love for character artwork which is probably why I love observing video games than actually playing them. I love kawaii and cute things, and drawing them of course. I dance around like a fool (sometimes in public). I'm usually smiling. And I feel however the hell I want to feel and do whatever the hell I want to do. Why? Because I accept all sides of myself and I'm not trying to impress anyone.

So my advice is to stop trying to impress others. It's the bottom line to all of it. We are trying to fit in so we are trying to impress people--whether you'll admit to it or not. On the flip side, don't judge others for they are either, it's just another sad form of bullying and it has no place. You are not better than anyone else and no one is better than you. Stop looking to others for approval and instead look to yourself. If you like something, then like it! If you don't like something then don't let it be a part of your character. If you are the biggest nerd around, then be the biggest damn nerd around, but you don't need to boast about it or impress people. If you love metal music but you also sometimes love listing to Britney Spears, then do it and don't be ashamed. If you like hipster clothing on some days and on other days you want to dress like a punk, then Do It! 

Be Yourself and stop trying to fit in. It is the only way you will start to be genuinely Happy, to start Living life to the fullest, and forming true lasting relationships with others. Being someone you're not is a waste of you are. You are You, you are not a category. So fit into your own skin, be free to discover who you Really are, and never be ashamed. 

  

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