☺ How to Create an Awesome 2015! ☺

 {Kindra Nikole Photography}

*This post was originally posted January 2014, reposting for the 2015 New Year Kick-Off!*

Hello beautiful New Year! 

How exciting! A fresh start, a fresh new page in this book of Life! 

First and foremost, I hope you all have set some awesome intentions for your new year; I hope that you are filled to the brim with positive change in mind, with love, with hope, with the courage to walk the path of your dreams! With this in mind, I wanted to make a list of reminders and tips of how to truly and fully make your dreams and intentions a reality, and where the bumps can often arise along the way so that you are armed and prepared for the best year ever! Because a New Year has the profound opportunity for you to make your life magical, to make a fresh start, to make the changes you want and to really set those amazing intentions into action, However, none of this happens unless You make it happen.

Cleaning the Slate.

A New Year doesn't magically clean the slate. It doesn't magically make everything okay again. It's really just one new day. BUT, you can make it the first step towards your happiness and bliss. That one step is so important, but the motivation and courage to follow is even more important. You get to create the momentum of your life and to guide it into a positive direction; to welcome love and gratitude and all good things into your life. Now, with this, you cannot simply brush all the mess of your life beneath a rug and expect it to stay there. If you want change then you must make it happen. If you want a clean slate then you must actually resolve the past. 

I speak about this from a place of deep deep knowing, from the experiences of my own life, from observing the lives of others, and from this journey that continually surprises me with lessons. Taking the steps to Heal Yourself are steps that cannot be overlooked. All the positive thinking, the optimism, the smiling, and love in the world will not mend the holes that have already been made in your heart and mind; these are things that you must address, that you must take charge over, and that you must find true resolve in. Only then can you mend that broken heart and live your life without that burden. If you don't, they will arise again and wreck havoc on all the work you make towards your happiness. This is a most valuable lesson, and I share this with you today because I want you to find resolve, to welcome all the good in your life that you deserve, and to truly start your new year right: without the burden of your past to weigh in your heart.

There are many ways that you can do this, but I encourage you to do it right. And by do it right, I encourage you to see a councillor, a therapist, someone who can really help to heal you. EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) changed my life. And EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is another method that can heal old wounds. These are the only two methods, that I know of at this time, that will truly and purely heal those wounds, to mend those wires in your brain that attach the past to negative feelings and reactions. Both of these methods work by activating pressure points and different sides of your brain to become okay with trauma, problems, and even physical blockages in your body. 

While EFT is very new to me, I am very excited to be trying and experimenting with this more. And it is even something you can do yourself at home--though I encourage a session with someone who knows what they're doing so that you understand the pressure points and wording to use this method properly. 

EMDR, I know works, because it was one of the most healing experiences of my life that allowed me to put a rather tumultuous past behind me. After I was done this session, I literally felt as if I was walking on clouds, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from within my soul. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for this experience. This new year, I intend to do another sessions as soon as possible, as there are issues that have risen that I did not resolve, or was not so aware of, the first time I did EMDR with my councillor several years ago. 

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of resolving your past. And I mean Really Resolving your past. I've seen the past wreck havoc on my own life and the lives of people around me, and, so, addressing problems before they grow into something much less manageable is vital. If there is one lesson I could give you this new year it would be to do it Now.  

ReCreate Yourself; Be Yourself.

New Year's resolutions often come with some sort of personal or physical changes we want to see in ourselves. You Do get to recreate yourself. Every single day. And I encourage you to do so. Because it is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself; to come into yourself, to be the greatest and truest version of yourself, whatever that might be at the time and know that it may, and very likely will, change with time. 

Allow yourself to change, allow your opinions to change, your dreams to change, your life to change. Change is a natural and wonderful part of life, learn not to resist it and instead embrace all that it carries with it. No one should want to remain stagnant. Be the person you're meant to be! 

Work on Yourself Every Day.

Every day is a profound opportunity to make changes, to take charge, and to be the change you wish to see in your life and in the world. However, all those things you want to accomplish won't happen unless you make them happen, and this requires an every day action. It shouldn't be a chore, it should feel inspiring, uplifting, motivating and exciting! And those actions every day can be as simple as making yourself smile, to repeating affirmations, to speaking words of gratitude. The importance is to cultivate positive thoughts, feelings, and emotions to fuel the passions of your life and to attract greatness into your life. 

Don't be Afraid of Failure.

You will fail. You will fall on the ground and kick and scream and have breakdowns, and cry, and be angry and frustrated. But you will also climb back up, be awesome, inspired, happy, motivated, and all the more powerful if you let yourself climb back up after every fall. Falls are inescapable. We all stumble, we all fail, we all make mistakes. These are vital lessons and important steps in life. Don't resist them, simply allow them to happen, learn the lesson, and move onward. 

The fear of failure should never be a reason not to do something. Inner instincts can tell us when something is wrong or should be avoided, but fear of failure should simply never be a reason not to do something. So charge headfirst, take risks, take chances, be bold, and step out of your comfort zone! 

Make a List.

If there is something you want, don't forget to write it down. This is why creating a Vision Board is such a powerful tool, because you place your wants and dreams into action. Writing things down makes them twice as likely to come true. Getting specific with what you want is even more powerful. If you want that dream job, partner, friend, or whatever it is your heart desires, make a list and be as specific as possible. Write down every detail. If it's a job, write down the hours you want to work, the responsibilities you want, the sort of work your job entails, the happiness and freedom you want from it, your wage, and so forth. If it's a partner or friend, write down characteristics, details, activities you want to do with this person. Get as detailed as possible! And, last but not least, make sure you have made room in your life to accept those things into your world. The Law of Attraction is a useful tool, learn about it and cultivate it into your life to make magic happen. 

Live the Life You Want.

In life, we make far too many sacrifices. We talk ourselves down from things that we want and deserve. Often times, we aren't honest with ourselves at all about what we want for ourselves, of what we need to grow, of what we need to do for ourselves to be happy. This year, I challenge you to really discover yourself; to let the walls down, to see yourself truly, and to be honest with yourself with what you want. No more excuses, no more tiptoeing. If you want something, claim it, make it your own. Live the life of your dreams and don't let anyone or anything stop you! Have the courage to say yes and to make your dreams a reality. 

Don't belittle your dreams, don't feel selfish or needy. Be Honest with yourself! You are allowed to ask and want amazing things in your life. So do! And remember that you Deserve Happiness and Love. 

Be Grateful, Be Happy.

More than anything else, be Grateful. Gratitude is the single biggest key to living an awesome life--regardless of anything else around you. By being grateful we harness appreciation for ourselves and the lives we already have, and we open the door to even greater things by doing so. Gratitude cultivates love and happiness. Gratitude is the greatest key, use it daily! 

I wish you all a very happy new year filled with adventure, love, laughs, excitement, and change! Be bold, be yourself, and have courage! 

So much love from me to you! 

Create an amazing day, and create an amazing life! 

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☺ Being Your Unfiltered Self ☺

Whenever there is one of those moments of life-realizations that jumps into my world it seems to become a reoccurring theme. Perhaps it's because my awareness has been tuned onto such an epiphany, or perhaps because it is something that I feel I really need to work on; more so, I believe it is because it is something that I Want to work on and situations begin to surround me to provide such opportunity to grow and learn. Regardless of reason, the topic of our "filtered" selves has been my recent reoccurrence. 

When you choose to be fully yourself, you often times can run into confrontational viewpoints from others. When we step into ourselves it's not always something that fits society, and therefore can make people uncomfortable, jealous, envious, or questioning. Even if it's not something that goes against the typical "norm" of society, society still teaches us to filter ourselves, that there are parts of ourselves that we should hide, that we should behave a certain way, that our emotions are often wrong. 

For myself, I am covered in tattoos, currently have pink hair, and have several piercings on my face; I dress somewhere between hippie, steampunk, punk, and casually "normal"--being a designer no doubt has an influence on my sense of ever-changing style. Because of these things, I'm not exactly a "normal" fit into our traditional bland society. For the most part, I embrace these sides of myself headstrong, positively, and with the upmost joy. And then I got to thinking… I Do filter myself. Even though I am covered in tattoos, when I am meeting certain people I start to dress differently. I love showing off my tattoos, not because I want to be showy but because I feel in my element and completely myself in the summer time wearing what I want when I want. But I filter myself around certain people. I might choose to wear something "pretty" or a little more "conservative" to offset the brash tattoos, piercings, and pink hair. It's not that I don't dress this way on some days regardless--it's not a "fake" side to me--but, in certain situations, I do so to seem more "normal". So, the realization dawned on me: I filter myself because all of a sudden I become self-conscious about Who I Am. My tattoos, my piercings, how I choose to dress may seem outward, even egotistical to some people, but for me they are self-expression (and I believe this is the same for many artistic, wondrous individuals). So why would I filter any part of myself because of another person? Fully stepping into Who I Am is important to me, it is something that I watch some people do seemingly so flawlessly (and perhaps people think I am the same way from the outside, I'm not sure), but I am envious and I strive to be so confident and comfortable. I filter myself when I think I need to try to impress someone, or downplay another person's perhaps more "traditional" or "normal" comfort-level of what people should look like. But that's not who I am. A filtered self is not who I want to be, it is not who I strive to be. 

Why wouldn't we want to step into our fullest selves? While the mentality of filtering ourselves may be automatic, perhaps even without too much thought, I invite you to realize that filtering yourself in any way is counter productive. Think about it. We tend to sensor ourselves when meeting new people, because we think we need to make a good impression--but that's not showing our true selves, and we should only want to be around people that want our true selves; and if we are stuck around people that don't, then we should embrace ourselves regardless. Plenty of times people filter and sensor themselves in new relationships, because we believe we need to be more "tame", perhaps not "crazy", to impress them. But what's the point? In the long run, you're lying about Who You Are, and in any case you should only Want to be with someone where you can be entirely and completely yourself. This goes for any kind of relationship: friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family, work, etc. 

We spend so much of our time filtering the things we say, the way we act, the way we look in order to make the people around us more comfortable. We filter ourselves out of a need to not hurt anyone's feelings , offend anyone, or to avoid confrontation. While in our heads this may seem like a good idea, showing our shiniest, most well-behaved sides, this also gives us the mentality that our own feelings are second to everyone else's. 

On top of that, it also doesn't show people the Real You. And you should always strive to be the Truest version of yourself, because life is too short to be anything else or to surround yourself with people that don't embrace the True You. 

Now, I should clarify… Filtering ourselves doesn't mean you're not still feeling like yourself, it just means (and feels like) you are not the Fullest Version of Yourself. It's not that the behaviour is fake, it just means you're putting forth only the "good stuff" so to speak. I struggled with this for a long time when I strived so hard to have a Positive Mental Attitude at all times; believing that any negative feelings were not good and that I should not show those sides of myself. It began to feel as if I wasn't allowed to be negative ever. I since learned that lesson, especially in such a social-networking platform as both my blogs. People need to realize that we are all Human. People have All different sides to themselves; and that includes the people you are trying to impress or sensor yourself around. By being fully yourself, you also encourage those around you to do the same; and, again, life is too short for anything else. You are human, just as the people around you are, just as I am. Yes, sometimes we are glowing balls of energy and light and beaming smiles; other times we have sad thoughts and irrational thoughts, we get angry, jealous, envious, and hurt, and sometimes we get depressed. All of our emotions, all of our wants and needs exist whether we show them or not, and they are just as important as the wants and needs of the people around you. This is why filtering yourself is counterproductive; because it leaves the impression that those wants and needs aren't valid. Essentially, you devalue yourself.  

There are several problems with devaluing yourself, mostly because it attacks your self worth and can leave you feeling unworthy of the people and situations around you. The behaviour of filtering yourself is also not healthy because, in the end, you are only building walls around yourself and against the people in your life. The encouragement in this is to remind yourself that you Are amazing, and you don't need to filter yourself for Anyone. The more you embrace your own self-worth, the more people will embrace it as well, and the less you will feel the need to filter yourself anyway. Allow yourself to be vulnerable--because that's certainly how it will feel at first--so that you can have a healthy relationship with Your Self again, and therefore healthy relationships with the people around you. This is a step in personal growth, and it is still (in my opinion) one of the greatest ones to learn: the more love you have for yourself, the more love you have for life and the people in it. 

I know it's not always an easy thing to do; I, for one, have come to realize I have a bad habit of this. Inspire and encourage yourself to be the Fullest Version of Yourself at all times. Remember your own self-worth. Remember that to embrace yourself fully means to embrace life and happiness more fully. Life is too short not to fully accept, embrace, and value yourself, those around you, and life. 

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☺ "Against Balance" ☺

We hear about balance a lot in our day-to-day struggle to be human, to do our best, and to find our calm and our perfect bliss in our lives. When a lovely woman in my own life shared this piece, I couldn't help but pass it along. I think it sums up the idea and struggle with "balance" perfectly. 

I hope you enjoy! 

Originally posted by Elizabeth Gilbert -- find her work here. 

Against BALANCE...

 Dear Ones -

 The other night at my event in St Paul, a young woman asked me about how I achieve balance in my life.

 First of all, I love that she thinks I have achieved balance in my life!

 Secondly, I felt the need to speak out once more against the subtle tyranny of the word BALANCE, which I think haunts and punishes modern women more and more every day. 

 We are constantly being told that we should be achieving balance — that we should somehow exquisitely be negotiating the relationships between our work lives, our home lives, our romantic lives, our health and well-being, our spiritual selves. You can't read an interview with a famous woman these days that the journalist does not applaud her for having achieved BALANCE....and then if you turn the pages of that magazine, you will find ten more articles showing how you can achieve balance. too!

 Be careful. 

 The word BALANCE has tilted dangerously close, I fear, to the word PERFECT — another word that women use as weapons against themselves and each other. 

 To say that someone has found the secret to a balanced life is to suggest that they have solved life, and that they now float through their days in a constant state of grace and ease, never suffering stress, ambivalence, confusion, exhaustion, anger, fear, or regret. Which is a wonderful description of nobody, ever. 

 Balance, when we do find it, is a breathtakingly temporary condition. We stand upon a world that spins at 2000 miles an hour. Our minds, meanwhile, spin at 200,000 miles an hour. We collide every day with other humans who are also sliding and spinning wildly. The landscape of our lives, therefore, changes by the minute. You find your balance one day and think, "Hooray! I have solved it" and then five minutes later the world utterly transforms again, and you're knocked on your ass one more time.

 That's just how life is on this planet — messy, fast, out of control, unpredictable. It's all terribly interesting, but also terribly unstable. 

 That being the case, I dropped the myth of BALANCE a long time ago. (I buried it right next to PERFECT.) My life seems happiest — as I tried to explain to this young woman the other night — when I just surrender to the madness, and embrace the glorious mess that I am...and also when I embrace the glorious mess that everyone else is, and the glorious mess of the world itself. My life gets the most painful when I try to set the entire mess (myself other people, life itself) into order. 

 The world is like a dropped pie most of the time. Don't kill yourself trying to put it back together. Just grab a fork and eat some of it off the floor. Then carry on.

 If you can get some stuff done in the chaos sometimes, god bless you. If you can basically hold it together, propping yourself up with duct tape and glue, rock on. If you can manage stay upright even one hour a day, you're doing pretty great, as far as I'm concerned. And if you can be kind to the other stumbling fools around you half the time — well, that's just heroic. 

 Basically, I think we are all just sloppy stupendous champions.

 Onward!

Heart,

LG

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☺ When Your Sense of Self is Challenged ☺

There have been many times here at the ReLove Plan.et blog in which I have explicitly encouraged people to love themselves as they are, to not care what others think, and to be yourself and be happy no matter what adversaries come your way. What I have not discussed is what to do when that sense of self, that sense of your own comfort in your identity, is challenged. Perhaps I never spoke of it because it has been a very long time since I've felt a deep overwhelming challenge in this area of my life. I have always been quirky, different, and in recent years done my best to embrace my individuality--something that has become easier and easier with every year as I become more and more secure in my own body and self. It felt like easy advice to give, and certainly something that each and every one of us can consciously work on: becoming comfortable with ourselves and embracing Who We Are. However, sometimes our sense of self can be vigorously challenged. While it has taken my own sense of self to be recently challenged to truly reflect on this topic, I am always glad for opportunities of insight and exploration; encouraging me to look at my identity, at people, at the world we live in, always providing new opportunities to learn and grow and share. 

So. Perhaps your sense of self is often challenged. Perhaps it is from family--and perhaps this is the most common one, especially if you really do embrace your quirks and lovely individuality and all the strangeness our society deems "unfit." Perhaps it is from friends (why would you want to have friends like that?), or coworkers, or peers in school, or any other number of people or circumstance. 

Our sense of self is almost always first challenged sometime during our school years. We start off so innocent and genuine, and then somewhere along the line society and the people that are a part of that society begin to make us feel as if we can't be ourselves and that we must fit a certain standard. Our innocent and genuine identity become tainted, twisted to try and fit in that narrow-minded box. Fortunately, many of us learn that we don't want to fit in the box or join the herd of society's sheep. 

While I was in school, I learned at a more subconscious level that I did not fit in and didn't want to fit in--after my own lack of success in trying. I learned to stick up for myself. As I became an adult I was somehow comfortable creating new identities for myself. I was a goth/metal kid for a long while. I probably tried entirely too hard to be "badass." I went through a mild hippie stage as well. At some point I accepted I was also rather a bit of a "geek." In the end, I learned to embrace all the individual parts of myself. But, that isn't what I'm talking about today (that's in the "Be Yourself" posts you can find on the rest of the blog). 

So, what challenged my sense of self recently? 

Let's Get Personal… 

First I will say that my sense of self is largely identified (to myself) by the inspiration, happiness, and warmth I try to spread to others and the world around me. I generally consider myself a good person who is out to help others and do the best I can in all areas (people around me, our planet, animals, etc.). These were things that were important to my character, things I resonated with, things that made me feel secure in who I Am. They still are, don't worry, but these ideals have been challenged, because my sense of self has been challenged. Why? Nothing has challenged my sense of self more than the very recent separation from my partner. Yes, we're going to get personal here; hopefully many of you can relate through your own relationship challenges, and if not hopefully it at least compares in some way to your own challenges. 

At first, I had to deal with the guilt of leaving a ten-year relationship with an awesome guy. Fortunately, I have pretty amazing friends and family who have supported me through all of this. However, there was a lot of questioning involved for myself--because I was very aware that I was hurting another person (my husband) and it made me feel, quite frankly, like a shitty human being. Of course, this logic isn't exactly sound. If I wasn't hurting him then I was hurting myself, and I was hurting the relationship, and therefore hurting him in the end regardless. While I have reminded myself of this logic repeatedly, it still made me feel like a not-so-great person. I accepted that it was something that needed to happen, that my Intention wasn't to actually hurt him, but to help both he and myself in life. Stagnation and self-harm is never a scenario you want to stick with. So those reminders helped too. 

My sense of self was challenged further as this little rabbit hole of my life continued. I had fallen in love with another man; a good friend at that, who was/is also my husband's friend. This made me feel like a shitty person too. Even though I never cheated on my husband, the guilt of falling in love before ending my relationship with him lingered. Since speaking to many other female friends and acquaintances, I have come to realize my situation was not exactly unusual, and in fact was quite common. Perhaps it is because we are often too afraid of hurting the person we're with to end relationships when we should, and so falling for a close friend may feel easier, even safer, if not usually accidental. Oh what denial can do to us!

Both of these circumstances made me feel not like the person I had spent a long time becoming and loving. What you should also understand is that I used to hate myself rather passionately, so becoming someone I was proud of and loved was a big step and accomplishment in my life. 

Since this has all transpired, the spiral continued. Suddenly, I felt like everyone was judging me. It is amazing what can go through your mind at times like this, challenging our security within ourselves as much as it challenges Who we feel we Are. I began to wonder what my friends truly thought of me, what outsiders would think and/or say, what people were saying behind my back. I had suddenly opened myself up to a huge window in which there was room for judgement. 

Further reflection upon this has reminded me that there are always windows for judgement. Being vegan is a window for judgment. Being environmentally conscious is a window for judgement; being "consciously aware" is a window for judgement; being "unique" is a window, dying your hair, having piercings, having tattoos, having dreadlocks, what we choose to wear, how we choose to act… really just Being Yourself is a window for judgment, because it causes people to reflect on their own lack of sense of self. Many people become jealous and/or uncomfortable by anything that challenges the sheep-like society we live in. Of course, people are breaking these barriers every day, but there are still plenty of people who are afraid of change or anything different from themselves--I think these people, more than anything, are just afraid of being themselves, therefore it is easier to judge others so that they can feel better about their own lack of identity and individuality and fear of being themselves openly. 

I realize this is a pretty long-winded post. Perhaps this should be more of a "free flow thoughts" sort of post; but I feel like plenty of people can relate to this subject so it is one I wanted to openly discuss and find some enlightenment with. 

What I've come to learn, is that, at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what other people think of you. All you can do--and all you Should do--is Be Yourself, fully and openly and as comfortably as possible. The higher our level of comfort and acceptance we have for ourselves and our decisions, the more those around us are accepting as well. Opening the window of self-doubt opens that same window to others. People can see and sense your self-doubt and insecurity; if you can't be comfortable with your own self and decisions, then how are others supposed to either? Of course, no matter how comfortable and accepting you are of your own self, there will always be Someone there to question it, there will always be Someone that has something negative to say--such is life. This is why our value should never come from anyone else but ourselves. Also, your friends should always be understanding, the people that matter will always be on your side--and if they're not then you should probably find new people.

Since I was speaking of relationships as well, I will return to a final thought on that as well… Any end to a relationship requires two people. For a long while much of my guilt and lack of security within myself was due to me taking all the blame and responsibility. Once I was able to remember and see that my husband had just as big a role to play in the unravelling of our relationship, my sense of self began to return with more confidence. It takes two people. And we all have reasons for the decisions we make, so hold onto that, whatever those decisions may be--whether it involves a relationship or any other aspect in life.    

What are your own thoughts on your sense of self or "identity"? What challenges have entered your own life in which you felt extremely challenged in this area? And what insights have you gained, and coping methods have you learned in this area? Would love to hear from you all! 

As always, so much Love! 

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☺ The Paradox of Love ☺

Society has a constant need to tell us that our happiness and our self worth are dependent on another person (i.e. "soul mate"). Now, I'm not saying that being in a relationship can't be fantastic (I mean, relationships can be so incredibly fantastic and mutually beneficial) but the Need to be with someone is where the flaw comes in. "Need" can never be anything more than a fear based relationship, and fear is not a good state of mind to be in on a daily basis. Fear can create paranoid behaviours, neediness for attention and constant reassurance, jealousy, and a general lack of respect towards both involved. The truth is that you don't need someone else to make you happy, you only need You. Happiness comes from within. If you are not happy with yourself then you will never be happy inside a relationship either. 

Why is that, you ask? 

Because, as human beings, when we look at other people we most often see a reflection of ourselves. So, if we are feeling good about ourselves then we will tend to see the things in the other person that we like about ourselves; and when we feel badly towards ourself then we will pick apart the other person because we are really just picking apart ourselves. This is why finding your own happiness, becoming comfortable with yourself and loving yourself, need to become a priority.

Today's topic is really focussing on Real Love versus a Need for it, and the general paradoxes that society has taught us about Love and Relationships--and, of course, what we can do to fix them.   

Self Worth and Happiness

We are told that we must be with someone (soul mate) or else we are not happy. We are taught that the great life purpose is to find your soul mate, get married, have a family and a career and die (happy?). Society teaches us that we must be with someone in order for anything good to come to our lives. That happiness IS our soul mate. By this we are, essentially, told that we ourselves are worthless without another human being there beside us. When putting it in blatant terms as this, I am sure you can see how utterly wrong and negative this mentality is? But this is simply the way that we are raised into this perplexed society that is constantly teaching us to devalue ourselves. Society devalues our sense of self because if we are unhappy then we will be more materialistic and follow everything like perfect little herds of sheep--because we will be too busy trying to fix ourselves to even notice what else is going wrong in the world. That being said, the point today is to tell you that your value does not decrease based on someone else's inability to see your worth. If you are only worthy because someone else assures you that you are, you will never truly be happy and you will never truly feel good or confident in your own skin and mind. However, if you can realize how Perfect you are (just the way you are) then you will see that your happiness does not, in fact, depend on another person being "the love of your life". You will come to see that you already Are Worthy, and that you already are Valuable--and that is something that no one can take away from you but your own self allowing it to be taken. 

   

Now, again, I'm not saying that marriage, having a soul mate, or having children, etc. is bad, I'm simply saying that the mentality we carry when pursuing and entering those relationships can often be a not so great way, and can lead to many more unnecessary problems later on--because it is coming from Need and Fear instead of a place of unconditional love.

Unconditional Love 

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." 

~Thomas Merton

The other problem with "Love" is that we are usually constantly trying to change the person we are with. Change is good, change itself isn't the problem (change helps us grow as individuals and in relationships and allows us to become even better people). The problem is our Need to change the person we are with. It is not up to us to change the people around us, the only person we are in charge of changing is ourselves. The people around us have their own path, their own personalities, their own lives and paths of their own to pave and to make changes at their own accord. Being in a relationship means accepting the person we're with just as they are; otherwise we are only loving the reflection of ourselves we see in them instead of loving the person actually in front of us.

This concept goes both ways, and it is important to remember. The person you are with needs to accept You as You Are as well. It comes back to a matter of respect and being honest with yourself; do you really love this person for who they are? Or are you trying to mould them into something you want them to be? 

Love is unconditional, through and through. Love is accepting our partners, and our partners accepting us, just the way we are. That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement on either side, for there is always room for change and improvement, but those changes need to come from a place of working together instead of against each other. Those changes also need to come only when we are able to accept and love the person we are with (and ourselves) as we already are. You can't make changes without first having gratitude for what you already have and are.

A Note on Sacrifice 

True love does not require sacrifice. The idea that in order to be with some that we must give up on our own dreams, interests, and even relationships is an absolute recipe for disaster. Never should sacrificing your own joys and passions enter into a relationship. If it does, then you will find resentment surface and boil for the remainder of your time together. Resentment is a breeding ground for tension, for no longer appreciating the other person, and for feeding a lack of respect for your own self (in other words, producing a lack of love and sense of rejection towards your own self). This is not good, for obvious reasons. If there are dreams and plans you have then pursue them and don't hit the pause button on life. Either your partner will be on board and be supportive, or they won't; and if they aren't, then it becomes a power struggle in the relationship--another recipe for disaster. 

Relationships and love shouldn't be a constant battle against one another; you should be working as a team, helping, understanding, and supporting one another. If your plans and dreams cause a temporary split, then that is better than sacrificing and regretting your dreams and carrying resent with you. If you are meant to be together, then the world will bring you back together again. Have enough respect for yourself to do what you need to do for You--because if you are with the right person, then they will understand and be supportive regardless.

Love Who You Are

Perhaps even more important than accepting one another is learning to accept yourself. Through and through, the most important lesson you can gain from life is to Love Yourself. Gratitude for yourself is the key to unlock happiness and the doors to unconditional love. When we learn to love and accept and respect ourselves then we stop picking apart the people around us, we allow ourselves to be happy, and we allow good things to come into our lives. And, we learn to love the way love is intended: without judgement, criticism, and with the fullest acceptance, respect, understanding and gratitude. 

Accept your inner and outer beauty. Accept that you are perfectly imperfect, with all your flaws and all your talents and all your lovely personality quirks. All of these things are what make you uniquely and wonderfully You. And, remember, there is no one else in the world exactly like you, and that is a beautiful thing! Be Who You Are, without being ashamed and without holding back. 

When we first enter relationships we often feel the need to censor ourselves, to hold back on parts of who we actually are. This comes back to society teaching us that we are never good enough and that we should only fit into this one ideal and one personality type. This is, once again, devaluing yourself. Don't censor yourself, and don't pretend to be someone you're not. In a relationship, then you are just wasting time on someone who doesn't see who you really are or might not be compatible with you. On a personal level, you are feeding a lack of self acceptance and love for yourself--very counter-productive. Be unashamed and openly the person you Are; do this and you will attract the right "love" and the right friendships to you who will fit your unique self perfectly imperfectly. And life will be much more free and honest and happy. 

Nourish yourself, nurture and fill yourself with love and gratitude for your own self. Do this and your world will be filled with genuine and true love all around.

If you found this article to be helpful, please consider a small donation or visit the shop. Thank you for your love and support.

☺ Motivational Mondays! ☺

. . . . . . . . . .

We're taking back Mondays!!!

"Motivational Mondays" are fabulous tips to get you excited and pumped for the week! 

Feeling low? Moody? Down on life? Well, that's what these posts are for! Time to feel awesome again and get some Positivity rolling! Just because it's Monday doesn't mean you can't have fun, smile, and enjoy Today! Apply these tips to your week and try to tell me that you don't start to see an improvement in your life! ;)

It's all about You! Change your perception, change your attitude, love your life! xo

. . . . . . . . . .

☺ Law of Attraction tip: Remember whatever you think about most is what you are attracting into your life. This means, if you are focussing too much on the problems in your life then you will be attracting more of that to you. Always focus on what you DO want, not on what you Don't want!       

☺ Watch the Snow Fall…  because there is something so calming and simple about it… and you know, you should be enjoying what's in front of you. ;) 

☺ Find the Motivation to Have Fun!  Maybe it's just and some of the friends I've been around lately, and maybe it has something to do with winter, but motivation  has been in short supply as of late. It's hard to feel motivated to do anything other than stay warm and cozy inside with a book or drawing pad (or maybe it's just the introvert in me as well). But fun is fun is fun, so find the motivation to get out of the house, see some friends, and do something exciting and out of the ordinary. Which brings me to my next point…    

☺ Get Pumped!!! If motivation Is in short supply, or even if it isn't, learn to Get Pumped! About life, about mundane activities, about absolutely anything! Life doesn't have to be boring (even when doing simple chores). Life is and should be exciting and thrilling, and the only thing that's stopping it from being so is your lack of energy to make it so. The funny thing is that it's Easy to get pumped, to get yourself excited and motivated. All you have to do is Feel it! My favourite way of doing this is to blast terrible music and dance around--it's hard not to feel better after doing this. ;)     

☺ Remember you are not the only one Searching. This concept was a real wake up for me and it profoundly reminded me of this valuable fact… As much as You are Searching for someone, or something (whether it be your life partner, your best friend, the perfect job, etc.), They are also searching for You! So stay positive and optimistic, they (or it) are on their way!        

☺ Reflect what You Want. People outside of you aren't going to see your flaws unless you are dwelling on them and projecting them out into the world. Likewise, if you are projecting the wonderful side of yourself (which Everyone has inside of them) then that is what others will see. Perception is everything, and everyone will perceive you differently, but if you are projecting positivity and awesomeness then the only people that will miss it are the ones that can only see the negativity within their own selves. So be lovely and positive and the world will shine around you and you will attract more positivity and like-minded people.   

☺ “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Nelson Mandela 

Create a great day! 

Much love from me to you! 

If you found this article to be helpful, please consider a small donation or visit the shop. Thank you for your love and support.

☺ Motivational Mondays! ☺

. . . . . . . . . .

We're taking back Mondays!!!

"Motivational Mondays" are fabulous tips to get you excited and pumped for the week! 

Feeling low? Moody? Down on life? Well, that's what these posts are for! Time to feel awesome again and get some Positivity rolling! Just because it's Monday doesn't mean you can't have fun, smile, and enjoy Today! Apply these tips to your week and try to tell me that you don't start to see an improvement in your life! ;)

It's all about You! Change your perception, change your attitude, love your life! xo

. . . . . . . . . .

☺ Law of Attraction tip: Meet the Universe half-way. The Law of Attraction means asking the Universe for what you'd like and not worrying about the "How". Never worry about the How. However, it is important to pay attention to any signals that come your way, the ones we call "inspired action". You should never Force something to happen, because this goes against the Universe, but listening to that inner voice and taking action when it feels appropriate and effortless and fun is important as well. This is how we meet the Universe half way and make dreams come true. So pay attention to your inner voice and remember if its not fun, you're on the wrong track.      

☺ Check up on Your Health. Being vegan, you hear a lot about making sure your iron and B12 levels are good. But it's not just vegans that need to be safe, and this is a common misunderstanding. Most people are deficient in something, and especially if you're not eating with your health in mind. So, getting certain minerals and vitamins checked up on can be beneficial, especially your B vitamins and D in the winter. I'd like to think we can get all that we need from food, but our agricultural system has depleted much of what we used to get naturally, and especially if your life is filled with a lot of stress which doesn't allow your body to function properly. See a Naturopath, or pay attention to your energy and how your stomach feels. A happy body is a happy life! 

☺ Do Good and Pay it Forward!  Know someone who has been having a hard time lately? Make their day by sending them a little gift or a little note about how much you appreciate and care about them. These are small actions with big results, and everyone could use a little pick me up every once in a while--or all the time. See if they can pass on the favour of giving and pass on that joy to someone else afterwards as well. Let's spread joy and smiles like wildflowers! :)    

☺ Don't Speak Badly of Others. I'm quite sure I mentioned this point a little while back, but, I see what a bad habit it is all around me so it's always a good reminder. Don't speak badly of others behind their backs, or to their faces. While you may not think they can hear you, they Can FEEL your hurtful words. You know how the old saying goes: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.    

☺ Ease into Your Day! It is absolutely worth it to wake up an extra half hour early so that you have time to ease into your day. By easy into your day I mean to wake up slowly, get out of bed, stretch and take a few centering breaths. And, if you have time, do some yoga! Jumping into your day in a frazzle is Not a good way to start your morning, and therefor the rest of your day. It's like starting off in a high-strung state and that will most definitely carry over into your day and make it harder to come out of. Start calm to stay calm and happy.       

☺ Be Your Lovely Insane Self. Always always be unabashedly your lovely quirky unique self, and remember that whatever that Self might be is different from person to person. You are the only You, so enjoy being You, enjoy your individuality, because truly truly that is an amazing wonderful awe-inspiring thing. Don't try to be someone else, because you are perfectly You and you are lovely.  

☺ "All Great Changes are Preceded by Chaos." ~Deepak Chopra. You often hear things get worse before they get better, and while this isn't always the case, with big changes in life can equal high stress and a whirlwind before that storm settles. But keep the goal in mind, and know that it Will settle, so no stressing. Remember to go with the flow and keep your mind on what you want. Let the Universe know what you want and it will surely deliver. Also know that whenever life is that much more rocky then the reward thereafter is going to be That much more rewarding! 

Create a great day! And spread those smiles! 

Much love from me to you! 

If you found this article to be helpful, please consider a small donation or visit the shop. Thank you for your love and support.

☺ Motivational Mondays! ☺

. . . . . . . . . .

We're taking back Mondays!!!

"Motivational Mondays" are fabulous tips to get you excited and pumped for the week! 

Feeling low? Moody? Down on life? Well, that's what these posts are for! Time to feel awesome again and get some Positivity rolling! Just because it's Monday doesn't mean you can't have fun, smile, and enjoy Today! Apply these tips to your week and try to tell me that you don't start to see an improvement in your life! ;)

It's all about You! Change your perception, change your attitude, love your life! xo

. . . . . . . . . .

☺ Law of Attraction tip: Watch how you feel and what is going on in your life to judge what sort of vibration you are on. Sometimes it may surprise us when we haven't been feeling so great but then something magically coincidental or wonderful happens that makes you take a step back--these moments let us know that we actually Are heading in the right direction. Likewise, when you find your day in one of those spirals of endless things going wrong, that's when it's time to take a step back and focus on switching your mood--because that's a sure way of letting you know that you are on a negative vibration.     

☺ Write down goals that will help you achieve a satisfying life. I love brainstorming, it's fun and it's so absolutely motivating. Every so often it's great to just grab a piece of paper and start jotting down ideas and plans you intend for the future. You create a life you love by taking time to envision what you want and by seeing where you might be creating blocks in your life that are stopping you from achieving that goal. The goal isn't to figure out the How of your dreams, but to become clear about what it IS that you actually want. The more clear you can become, the better chances you will draw to you what you want. Plus, when priorities and lifelong ambitions are clear, it’s easier to live without regret and commit to following your dreams.

☺ Make Someone Smile!  This is a repeated tip here at ReLove Plan.et, because it's a win-win goal for your day. Making someone else smile will make you feel better as well (win-win), and chances are by making that one person smile, you have ignited the catalyst for them to pass on the good feeling, and the chain reaction continues! Booyah!   

☺ Read More Books. Because books are amazing! You get to choose what sort of thing you want to read and there are sooooo many books out there! Go on an adventure and pick up a new book this week. If you're already reading lots, well then, carry on! ;)   

☺ Start Your Day with a Positive Thought! I feel as if I can't emphasize this point enough. You set the tone for your day. Every single morning that you wake up. So, even if you wake up feeling not so great, you can change that! Pull on some inspiration and plant positivity into your day first thing in the morning; and then watch it spill out all over your day with awesomeness!     

☺ Create Your Vision Board! Remember Vision Boards? They are aaaaamaaaaazing! If you've found yourself slacking in that aspect lately, time to dig out your Vision Board again and get creative. Plaster it with the things that you want, your dreams, your goals, and things that make you happy. This is your source for inspiration, your future life--and even your present life. Vision Boards are great for, well, visualizing your dreams, so keep it up to date and feel free to change it daily if that's how your heart feels.  

☺ “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy." ~ Norman Vincent Peale 

Create a good super duper fantastic day! And don't forget to smiiiiiile! ^_^ 

Much love from me to you! 

If you found this article to be helpful, please consider a small donation or visit the shop. Thank you for your love and support.

☺ Motivational Mondays! ☺

. . . . . . . . . .

We're taking back Mondays!!!

"Motivational Mondays" are fabulous tips to get you excited and pumped for the week! 

Feeling low? Moody? Down on life? Well, that's what these posts are for! Time to feel awesome again and get some Positivity rolling! Just because it's Monday doesn't mean you can't have fun, smile, and enjoy Today! Apply these tips to your week and try to tell me that you don't start to see an improvement in your life! ;)

It's all about You! Change your perception, change your attitude, love your life! xo

. . . . . . . . . .

☺ Law of Attraction tip: Remember to be grateful for what you already have. Gratitude is the key to manifesting good things into your life, meaning you have to appreciate what you currently have in order to manifest even greater things. Even if what you have right now you might not like… say you don't really like your home and want something better, be grateful for a roof over your head and make a list of all the things that Are good about where you are now. This way you are grateful and will attract more things to be grateful for. Gratitude is always key!    

☺ Employ Positive Talking! I know it's sometimes hard not to vent, especially when you have a bad day, but become conscious about how much you are complaining vs how much you are talking about positive things. If you are doing more complaining than positive talk then it's time for a change. After all, the best way for things in your life to get better is to talk about the good anyway. If you need to vent, just try to keep it at a minimal, speak your mind, let it go, and move onto a more positive insight. Don't end any conversation on a negative note. 

☺ Step out of Your Comfort Zone!  I love to throw this one at you all every so often because it is one of the best ways to grow and evolve as a person. Your comfort zone is your region of safety that actually limits you. Step out of it. Even if you're kicking and screaming and resistant, just do it! Life begins at the end of your comfort zone! So go out and live!  

☺ Stop Feeling Lonely. And Stop being negative towards your life. Stop living in envy of another person's life. The truth is, no one's life is entirely perfect, but the goal is to make the most of it and enjoy every second of it, regardless of what's around you. Every so often I need this reminder, especially because I've had a history of flaky friends, or friends that have come in and out of my life for different circumstances; and it winds up with me being envious of those people with a ton of friends--especially during social times of the year like Halloween. The truth is, and I still stand by this because I've seen it over and over again, is that it's better to have a few valuable True friends, than a ton of people you can't even turn to when you need them. The people that I know and see that have a million friends in their clicky little groups, are all the loneliest people I've ever met. So be grateful for any friends you do have and be grateful and comfortable with time spent alone. Learning to be comfortable alone will free you up to never actually feel alone.  

☺ Do Something Childish! Kids know where it's at, they are unashamed, silly, and just out to have fun. Take a page from their book and be free to be silly and ridiculous and not care what people think.    

☺ Remember the Chart of Happiness! I made this little chart in one of my recent Inspirational articles and I think it's a really important one to remember: that during those downs in your progression towards happiness, you're still actually climbing upward. We take two steps forward and one step back, and three steps forward and maybe five steps back, either way, you Are still moving forwards, so try to remember that. (And read the full article if you need some extra inspiration)   

☺ “Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” – Paulo Coelho

Create a good day! ^_^ 

Much love from me to you! 

If you found this article to be helpful, please consider a small donation or visit the shop. Thank you for your love and support.