☺ Valentines Edition; Part Two: Loving Yourself! ☺

Okay, so now that I've covered some of the Relationship bumps in Part One of my Valentine's Edition, moving on to the second reason that I say screw-it to Valentine's Day…

First I'll say, no, I'm not some lonely girl moping around hating on Love (although you probably know this by now unless you are new here). I am happily married with an amazing husband. In fact, I promote love in all forms at any chance I get. So why am I writing about this anti-Valentine's day stuff? Short answer; because it does not promote real Love. There are several negative mentalities this day entails and crams into people's minds, and it's also just another silly holiday that tells you how to act and think (buy things! Conform damn you! Conform!). 

You cannot buy love, yet what Valentine's Day suggests is, not only that you can, but that you should. It also gauges your self-worth in a few ways; that you are a bad date if you don't buy presents for each other, or that you are worthless if no one buys you a present or sends you a Valentine's Day card. It also makes you feel (falsely) good or, more commonly, bad about yourself depending on how many cards or flowers you get, and whether or not you have a date. Suddenly our worth becomes based on the attention (I say attention because it is certainly not love) coming in from other people, instead of actual values, morals, and your own Self. Suddenly Love is measured by material objects and the false pretence of others--instead of where Love actually comes from; the Self. Hopefully you can see how incredibly self-destructive all of this is, how it does not actually promote Love, and how incredibly silly it all is at the end of it all. 

Sadly, most of us have been there at least once in our lives when we were a lonely teenager feeling sorry for ourselves come Valentine's Day and we didn't have a date. Hopefully you can realize that this is not a healthy mentality to have, and unfortunately too many of us have it. And what usually starts in school often carries on into adulthood, planting those negative seeds early to allow them to stick for longer. Why do we do this to ourselves? Set ourselves up for disappointment like that? Get our hopes all high and allow ourselves to be disappointed if we don't magically have a date on one day of the year? It makes no sense in reality. And so many people end up settling for some crappy date just so they are not alone. Or send flowers to yourself (which is actually not a bad thing, but I'll get to that later) in attempt to make it seem as if someone else did. 

So, entering Valentine's Day survival mode… it doesn't have to be a negative day at all, let's get on with some Real Love! 

Part Two; Choose Self Love instead!

Most of our problems don't come from others or our environments or circumstances, it comes from a lack of self love. 

No one can wager your self-worth but yourself. Seeking out the love and attention from other people means that you are not satisfying your own needs from your own self. You're not starving for love from another being, your starving for love from yourself. Sadly, we often look for it in other people though--especially because we are taught early on (as said above) that love is measured by others and not from ourselves. We need to know others think we are worthy before we can accept that we are for ourselves. And even that is often not good enough so we'll continue to degrade ourselves, be disrespectful to our emotions, and be generally self-destructive with put-downs and feelings of lack of self-worth. It's not your fault (but it is your responsibility to change it) and you are not alone if you feel this way. Our environments growing up can be pretty hostile and we learn early on to not feel good about ourselves--because others do not feel good about themselves and take it out on other people. It's a terrible cycle that has continued forever and most people don't know how to break it. It's not as hard as you think though, it just takes some time and patience and loving attention towards your self. Whenever someone is making another feel bad, it's a reflection of how they feel about themselves--the reason they give is just an excuse. So stop allowing others to make you feel bad and realize that it's not You, it's Them--or if you're the one delivering the put-downs, realize that is Is You, Not Them. No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your consent. Brush them off. No one can make you feel good about yourself either without your consent. No one can make you happy and loved except for yourself. You have to be willing to let love into your life. And you have to be willing to Love your Self.  

Stop relying on your happiness coming from another and realize that it actually comes from within yourself. You Choose if you are going to be Happy. You Choose whether or not to experience Love in your life. Love comes from within your Self. How can you expect anyone else to love you if You don't love you? And how can you expect to love anything outside of your Self if you don't love your Self? I'm not sorry to say this, because it's true, and realizing this will help you love yourself and your life. It's time for some self-love, Gorgeous! Know that you are beautiful, that you are fantastic, fun, and fabulous! Appreciate yourself so that others will do the same. And stop looking for others to tell you how amazing you are. You do not need their approval, you only need your own. Stop feeling insecure about yourself and start loving yourself! 

This Valentine's Day, instead of allowing yourself to get all self-pitying and wallowing in a box of chocolates and some sappy chick flick that will only make you feel worse, throw it all down and declare that you are SUPER! Yeah, that's right, declare your independence, and declare your love for yourself. Remind yourself that no one else can make you happy but yourself. That you don't Need another person to make you feel loved and special and wonderful. You should be able to do that for yourself. Because you are wonderful, if only you choose to see that within yourself. You are who you want to be. Your attitude is something you can choose. Your life is something you can choose. You may be stuck with yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't change and be the real you, the happy you, the you you want to be. Go ahead, choose it. Choose to be happy and to be loved. Choose to Love You. 

Again, this is simple Law of Attraction stuff. Feel love and you will allow more love to enter into your life. Appreciate yourself and you will allow others to appreciate you as well. 

Wallowing in a shameful box of chocolates upset that you didn't get roses is not empowering. It's goddamn deconstructive. Take that energy and turn it into something positive. Go out on the night if you choose, but do it for You and plan to go home alone instead of giving into the Valentine's Day crap that you need to be in another's arms that night. You don't. Be in your own loving arms. Empower yourself! Don't hate on Love, love Love. Be Positive and Loving. More negativity only breeds further negativity, towards yourself and towards others. So be Loving, all around. 

Okay, so here's what I'd like you to do on Valentine's Day…

Take the day for yourself! Buy yourself a box of chocolates (vegan and fair-trade of course ;))--not because you are trying to make it look as if someone else bought you chocolates, but because you deserve them and if anyone is getting you chocolates that day it should be You getting them for the love of your Self. :) Pamper yourself, relax, do some of the things you enjoy. Have a warm candlelit bubble bath, a cup of tea in hand and those chocolates, and soak in the joy of being you. Write yourself a love note as well, listing all the things that you Love about You--there better be at least a page full! Dance around your living room a little. Spend the evening with yourself. Cuddle up in a blanket and watch your favourite feel-good movie. Read a fantastic book. Meditate on Love. Do whatever your heart desires. Take time to love You. Because you deserve that love. And again I come back to; if you can't love yourself, how can you expect to love anything else in the world, or for others to love you?

Self-love is one of the most important things to have in your life. So learn to Love and appreciate You!

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☺ Ego VS Self ☺

If you're on, have begun, or are dabbling in a spiritual journey (or "awakening" as I like to call it) then you have likely heard about your "Ego Self." If you haven't, your "Ego Self" is said to be, essentially, the fake you, the "persona," the mask, usually associated with materialism and self-centredness. And most people are striving to be free of this Ego Self and be ultimately free of all attachment and become their true "Higher selves." 

Okay, so clearly I don't have a degree in Buddhism, and I'm not going to pretend that I do. But hopefully you know what I'm talking about, because that's all you really need to know here. ;)

Now, here is the problem that I have with the concept of the "Ego Self." I feel like most people don't really know or understand what this "ego self" actually is, even fear it and look down upon it. I feel the yearning to be free of this ego actually tosses people down a different rabbit hole altogether. People become so opposed to this ego self that they view everything as this ego self. Not only this, but I feel that most people that claim to have found this freedom from the ego have lost any entity at all and have become rather hollow shells. That, or they are often quite self-righteous in their own subtle (yet obvious) way, looking down upon others because they are above everyone else for having ridden themselves of this ego, as if that makes them better than everyone else. Clearly not actually enlightened at all.  

Obviously, this is not the case for everyone. I'm quite certain there are amazing human beings out there that have ridden themselves of their "ego" and are quite happy, loving, positive and all that they should be. But I'm talking about this subject because I know an awful lot of people who think they know what they're talking about and are dipping down that rabbit hole or are reaching quite the negative, withdrawn, and counter-productive state of mind. 

Again, I may not be any professional Buddhist or spiritual teacher or anything of the sort, but from what I do know, any sort of true spiritual awakening does not come along with a self-righteous better-than-thou attitude. If you are truly enlightened then you aren't going to tell people that you are either. 

So, here's my two cents, take it for what it's worth… Be You! And stop getting so caught up in trying to let go of something you don't even understand. Life is Happiness, pleasure, laughter, fun, respect, freedom, and enjoying the ride. If you're not smiling then what's the point? Be who you enjoy being, the person who makes you genuinely and unreasonably Happy. 

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that people have a sort of "ego self" and that they live as this self and that they should release it. However, my understanding of this concept seems to be quite different from many others--perhaps for the reason that my view of this ego is only to serve as a lesson to be happy and further your path. I believe your ego self is the mask people play in society when they don't yet know who they are or are afraid to be who they truly are. When people play the "copy cat" game; dressing and acting to fit into whatever crowd it is they are trying to fit into or be a part of. When people constrain themselves from being, acting, and looking the way that is true to them. 

So how do you let go of your ego self (again, in my humble opinion)? Be True to You! Dress the way you want because You want to, because You like something. Of course, letting go of materialism is a good thing, but let's face it, everyone wears clothes (unless you're a nudist), and everyone chooses what it is they are wearing. Even those who claim to be at a higher state still have to choose what clothes they are going to wear, they made the Conscious decision to wear simple clothing--it's still a choice they made about their appearance. So wear what you enjoy wearing, don't put yourself in a type-cast or genre or fad. Be free to express your beautiful self! To me, clothing is just another artistic expression, and there is nothing wrong with wearing something wild and crazy or something absolutely simple and subtle. Express yourself freely and in accordance to how you want and feel like! 

Obviously, obsessiveness over your appearance isn't a great thing either, and is usually a sign of insecurity. This is all okay though, these are just things to be conscious of so that you can work through them--without making a big huge deal over it and over-analyzing. Remember, over-obsessing over concepts is counter-productive… and Balance is everything. ;)

When you take anything too far and too seriously in any direction then you run into problems, whether it's being this ego self or trying to get rid of it. 

Act the way that You want to act, the way that makes you feel blissful and happy, that resonates with you. Stop caring what others think or trying to impress them. In my personal experience, most people truly respect and, dare I say envy (?), those who are genuinely being themselves and embracing all sides of their character. And character is ever changing as we grow and learn and evolve so learn to accept and embrace that too. 

If you're not comfortable in your own skin then that's probably a good indicator to work on yourself. Same if you don't love yourself or if you don't feel genuinely happy. Self love is the most important part to enjoying life and, I often say, the first step in that "awakened" journey--you know, the magical path where happiness is. 

The point in life is to enjoy it, not to be overly analytical and walk around with a better-than-thou attitude. The truth is, we don't know everything, we'll never know everything, and that's the beauty in life. Our concepts and ideas are ever-changing, just like our attitudes and "selves." I may totally change my opinion on this "ego self" in a few weeks, months, or years, but one thing I do think is important is to understand that over-obsessing over complex concepts is not productive and does not make you better than others for thinking you understand. The importance in any lesson or thought or idea is to learn and grow and do your best--not get caught up in the details. Life is meant to be Enjoyed, Happiness is the Purpose of life. Don't take life so seriously! So love, laugh, smile, and be happy. Be You and you'll be just fine. And don't be afraid or shy away from Who You Are. Embrace it, express it, Be it. Just Be You. 

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