☺ How to Create an Awesome 2015! ☺

 {Kindra Nikole Photography}

*This post was originally posted January 2014, reposting for the 2015 New Year Kick-Off!*

Hello beautiful New Year! 

How exciting! A fresh start, a fresh new page in this book of Life! 

First and foremost, I hope you all have set some awesome intentions for your new year; I hope that you are filled to the brim with positive change in mind, with love, with hope, with the courage to walk the path of your dreams! With this in mind, I wanted to make a list of reminders and tips of how to truly and fully make your dreams and intentions a reality, and where the bumps can often arise along the way so that you are armed and prepared for the best year ever! Because a New Year has the profound opportunity for you to make your life magical, to make a fresh start, to make the changes you want and to really set those amazing intentions into action, However, none of this happens unless You make it happen.

Cleaning the Slate.

A New Year doesn't magically clean the slate. It doesn't magically make everything okay again. It's really just one new day. BUT, you can make it the first step towards your happiness and bliss. That one step is so important, but the motivation and courage to follow is even more important. You get to create the momentum of your life and to guide it into a positive direction; to welcome love and gratitude and all good things into your life. Now, with this, you cannot simply brush all the mess of your life beneath a rug and expect it to stay there. If you want change then you must make it happen. If you want a clean slate then you must actually resolve the past. 

I speak about this from a place of deep deep knowing, from the experiences of my own life, from observing the lives of others, and from this journey that continually surprises me with lessons. Taking the steps to Heal Yourself are steps that cannot be overlooked. All the positive thinking, the optimism, the smiling, and love in the world will not mend the holes that have already been made in your heart and mind; these are things that you must address, that you must take charge over, and that you must find true resolve in. Only then can you mend that broken heart and live your life without that burden. If you don't, they will arise again and wreck havoc on all the work you make towards your happiness. This is a most valuable lesson, and I share this with you today because I want you to find resolve, to welcome all the good in your life that you deserve, and to truly start your new year right: without the burden of your past to weigh in your heart.

There are many ways that you can do this, but I encourage you to do it right. And by do it right, I encourage you to see a councillor, a therapist, someone who can really help to heal you. EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) changed my life. And EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is another method that can heal old wounds. These are the only two methods, that I know of at this time, that will truly and purely heal those wounds, to mend those wires in your brain that attach the past to negative feelings and reactions. Both of these methods work by activating pressure points and different sides of your brain to become okay with trauma, problems, and even physical blockages in your body. 

While EFT is very new to me, I am very excited to be trying and experimenting with this more. And it is even something you can do yourself at home--though I encourage a session with someone who knows what they're doing so that you understand the pressure points and wording to use this method properly. 

EMDR, I know works, because it was one of the most healing experiences of my life that allowed me to put a rather tumultuous past behind me. After I was done this session, I literally felt as if I was walking on clouds, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from within my soul. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for this experience. This new year, I intend to do another sessions as soon as possible, as there are issues that have risen that I did not resolve, or was not so aware of, the first time I did EMDR with my councillor several years ago. 

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of resolving your past. And I mean Really Resolving your past. I've seen the past wreck havoc on my own life and the lives of people around me, and, so, addressing problems before they grow into something much less manageable is vital. If there is one lesson I could give you this new year it would be to do it Now.  

ReCreate Yourself; Be Yourself.

New Year's resolutions often come with some sort of personal or physical changes we want to see in ourselves. You Do get to recreate yourself. Every single day. And I encourage you to do so. Because it is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself; to come into yourself, to be the greatest and truest version of yourself, whatever that might be at the time and know that it may, and very likely will, change with time. 

Allow yourself to change, allow your opinions to change, your dreams to change, your life to change. Change is a natural and wonderful part of life, learn not to resist it and instead embrace all that it carries with it. No one should want to remain stagnant. Be the person you're meant to be! 

Work on Yourself Every Day.

Every day is a profound opportunity to make changes, to take charge, and to be the change you wish to see in your life and in the world. However, all those things you want to accomplish won't happen unless you make them happen, and this requires an every day action. It shouldn't be a chore, it should feel inspiring, uplifting, motivating and exciting! And those actions every day can be as simple as making yourself smile, to repeating affirmations, to speaking words of gratitude. The importance is to cultivate positive thoughts, feelings, and emotions to fuel the passions of your life and to attract greatness into your life. 

Don't be Afraid of Failure.

You will fail. You will fall on the ground and kick and scream and have breakdowns, and cry, and be angry and frustrated. But you will also climb back up, be awesome, inspired, happy, motivated, and all the more powerful if you let yourself climb back up after every fall. Falls are inescapable. We all stumble, we all fail, we all make mistakes. These are vital lessons and important steps in life. Don't resist them, simply allow them to happen, learn the lesson, and move onward. 

The fear of failure should never be a reason not to do something. Inner instincts can tell us when something is wrong or should be avoided, but fear of failure should simply never be a reason not to do something. So charge headfirst, take risks, take chances, be bold, and step out of your comfort zone! 

Make a List.

If there is something you want, don't forget to write it down. This is why creating a Vision Board is such a powerful tool, because you place your wants and dreams into action. Writing things down makes them twice as likely to come true. Getting specific with what you want is even more powerful. If you want that dream job, partner, friend, or whatever it is your heart desires, make a list and be as specific as possible. Write down every detail. If it's a job, write down the hours you want to work, the responsibilities you want, the sort of work your job entails, the happiness and freedom you want from it, your wage, and so forth. If it's a partner or friend, write down characteristics, details, activities you want to do with this person. Get as detailed as possible! And, last but not least, make sure you have made room in your life to accept those things into your world. The Law of Attraction is a useful tool, learn about it and cultivate it into your life to make magic happen. 

Live the Life You Want.

In life, we make far too many sacrifices. We talk ourselves down from things that we want and deserve. Often times, we aren't honest with ourselves at all about what we want for ourselves, of what we need to grow, of what we need to do for ourselves to be happy. This year, I challenge you to really discover yourself; to let the walls down, to see yourself truly, and to be honest with yourself with what you want. No more excuses, no more tiptoeing. If you want something, claim it, make it your own. Live the life of your dreams and don't let anyone or anything stop you! Have the courage to say yes and to make your dreams a reality. 

Don't belittle your dreams, don't feel selfish or needy. Be Honest with yourself! You are allowed to ask and want amazing things in your life. So do! And remember that you Deserve Happiness and Love. 

Be Grateful, Be Happy.

More than anything else, be Grateful. Gratitude is the single biggest key to living an awesome life--regardless of anything else around you. By being grateful we harness appreciation for ourselves and the lives we already have, and we open the door to even greater things by doing so. Gratitude cultivates love and happiness. Gratitude is the greatest key, use it daily! 

I wish you all a very happy new year filled with adventure, love, laughs, excitement, and change! Be bold, be yourself, and have courage! 

So much love from me to you! 

Create an amazing day, and create an amazing life! 

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☺ How to Survive and Enjoy the Holidays! ☺

*Originally posted December 2013--coming back for some Holiday Cheer! ;)*

. . . . . . . . . .

Christmas, it's the most wonderful time of the year! Or at least… it's supposed to be. All in all, the holiday season can be a bit dodgy. If your family is dysfunctional then chances are that it gets brought out that much more during the holiday season. Then there's all the money being spent and presents to buy and plans to make that can cause some more stress. However, truthfully, stress is always there, it's whether or not we are choosing to draw it out or let it slide off our backs and keep smiling. I'm rooting for the latter. And in rooting for the latter, I propose…

Tips for Surviving the Holiday Season (with a great big smile on your face!)

☺ Remember to Breathe! 

Perhaps the most valuable and helpful thing you can do this chaotic time of year is to just simply take a step back and remember to breathe. Take a time out. Focus on your breath, clear your mind, and try smiling. Sometimes all you need is a couple of minutes to recuperate and find your centre, other times you may need a couple of hours; but however long it may be, take that for yourself, because things will flow a lot more smoothly when you centre and balance yourself. 

And be sure to brew a pot of herbal tea, sit down with a book or magazine and just take a break from the world every now and then. 

      

☺ Drop Expectations!

Despite what we may so desperately want to believe at times, christmas day and the holidays are never perfect. Not setting yourself up for disappointment is important. That being said, I'm not encouraging you to mope around and accept that the holidays suck and are joyless. No, no, no. Instead, enjoy what's in front of you and make the most and best of it all, just know that things can go wrong and things are never perfect; but those stresses and disappointments can vanish away when you focus on joy, and of being around loved ones. So that doesn't mean you can't still have a damn amazing christmas, it's all in your perception and being happy with what Is!

“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” ~Unknown

☺ Choose to Enjoy the Holiday Season!

Reality is what we make it. Perception is everything. We may not have control over many things in life, but what we do have control over is how we deal with things. Be realistic and optimistic. For instance: it's a busy time of year, so know and prepare yourself that the stores are going to be busier and lineups may take longer; traffic may be slower; and other unexpected things can happen. But you can control your mood and decide your happiness. Set your mind on Enjoying the Holiday Season and you will! Look around and recognize the beauty around you. In family or other social gatherings, avoid the people you have a hard time with and spend more time with the people you like. Focus on joy and you will make it your experience. 

☺ (re)Read ReLove's post "Holiday Season; Stress, Family, & Bringing Back the Magic"!  

I wrote this post two years ago and I find it relevant every holiday season. Sadly, family can be such a stressor and this post addresses this and how you can get through the holiday season with more joy and realizing that no one's family is perfect, and that's okay. 

http://www.reloveplanet.com/2011/12/making-holidays-magical-stress-free.html   

☺ Take care of Yourself! 

I know it's the time of year when we tend to drink more, eat foods we shouldn't, splurge, and generally neglect actually caring for ourselves a bit (or a lot). I'm not saying don't enjoy those things, but remember to do everything in moderation and to take special care to balance things out when you do. Don't act like those things won't effect your health. 

I like to recommend taking these extra steps to maintain health of your body and your mind; exercise daily (even if its taking a walk), gets lots of rest and sleep, take a multi-vitamin (and/or a B-complex, Vitamin C & magnesium, and D Drops), drink Lots of water, smile lots (I call this smile therapy), and balance out your eating habits by consuming extra veggies, greens, healthy proteins, and fresh juice when you can.   

☺ Have a Healthy Christmas! 

Ah the Holiday season, time to stuff our faces full of sugar and bad-for-you food. Did I mention this already? Oh no, silly me. But! It needs emphasis! Now, I'm not saying it's not fun to indulge a little, but you Can enjoy the holiday season treats and still actually be healthy--who knew?! There are so many healthy and amazingly delicious recipe alternatives to butter and wheat and sugar filled crap that your body wants nothing to do with. Why sacrifice the love of your body and health when you don't have to? Try new recipes, try something different, and fall in love with healthy food--I promise you won't regret it! 

Replace gmo for organic. Replace the turkey for vegetarian and vegan alternatives--or if you're not going to replace the turkey, then offer more vegan alternatives for the health-conscious guests. Make your own egg nog! Replace refined sugar with organic cane sugar, stevia, agave, maple syrup, or anything other than refined sugar! 

Indulging is fun, and you can still do it by all means, but choose the healthier options, because they are still ridiculously delicious and your body and mind and health will thank you for it! 

     

☺ Exercise! 

Oh dear, I mentioned this one already too, didn't I? Well! It's pretty easy to fall out of exercise habits during this time of year, and I'm not here to tell you not to take it easy, but, you should still put in some effort for your health--especially if you plan on stuffing yourself full of unhealthy food. Do some yoga sessions; this will also help to centre and calm your busy mind. Go for a twenty minute walk, that's all you really need. Get together with some friends and play ice hokey, go snowshoeing, skiing, snowboarding, ice skating. Dance around your living room while you crank terrible pop music and do some baking. ;) Just get at least a little active; again, your body And Mind will thank you!   

☺ Be a Kid! 

I think part of the magic of christmas is the nostalgia of childhood, and so what a perfect excuse to be a big kid! If you have younger siblings, or nieces or nephews, or grandkids, or kids of your own, then be a kid with them: be silly, be giddy, and laugh a lot. Personally, I plan on watching cartoons on christmas day with family, a little piece of my childhood--hoorah!    

☺ Be Giving!

Part of the joys of gifts around the holidays is the actual Giving. I love the giving far more than the receiving. But there are those that have a hard time during the holidays and don't get to take part in the love of receiving either. Do your soul some good and be a little extra giving. Buy gifts for unexpected strangers, or those you know need it; sponsor a family for christmas to buy their presents who can't afford it; volunteer at the soup kitchen; go out and give meals to the homeless; volunteer at an animal shelter. Do your part and spread a little extra joy!  

☺ Have a Green Christmas!

With climate change taunting us at every turn, I think it's important to consider being green this holiday season. I mean, egypt had snow for the first time in over 100 years! And all the madness we are seeing around the world should scream that action needs to be taken by each and every one of us. 

So! Check out ReLove's Holiday Green Tips! Simple and easy switches and things you can do to make your holiday season that much more respectful to mother earth and the animals that live here! ;) Every action counts! 

ReLove's Holiday Green Tips: http://www.reloveplanet.com/2011/12/be-change-holiday-season-green-tips.html

Also, consider Gifts that Give Back: http://www.reloveplanet.com/2010/11/wednesday-favorites-gifts-that-give.html

☺ Respect Your Self! 

I feel like this needs special emphasis at this time of year. Be kind and loving towards yourself. You are not here for people to walk all over you, know when to remove yourself from a situation or when someone has crossed the line with you. You can still respect and be kind to other people and still respect and be kind to yourself. Remember that.  

☺ Give out Free Hugs! 

Remember, because it's just that caring time of year. Spread love and joy onto others, it could remind them to smile and of the beauty that exists in the world. So go out and give out a few random hugs to strangers--and of course the people you love. 

☺ Don’t isolate yourself.  

Being an introvert myself, too many social events and busy busy go-go time can definitely overload the circuits. Which is why Point #1 of this post is so vital. That being said, for those feeling depressed or in grief, a sense of loneliness often becomes stronger during the holidays. That’s why it’s important to break out of any self-imposed exile. Accept invitations, do some volunteer work, call up good friends, Do socialize, and try not to spend too much time by yourself.

☺ Rely on YourSelf for Happiness! 

Remember that no one is responsible for your own happiness but You. Happiness is not something to chase after or that you "achieve." It is not something that can be bought, found in expensive "things" you don't need. And you certainly should not or cannot rely on another person for your Happiness. Only You are responsible for making yourself Happy, because Happiness comes from within. And because Happiness is a Choice. 

Wishing you all a magical and joyful Holiday Season! Keep those smiles brimming and joy spilling over to those around you! :)  

Much love from me to you! 

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☺ Video Blogs: Actively Participating in Your Own Happiness--and what it brought me ☺

Today I thought I would share with you the last few video blogs I posted up on my channel. In one I speak more of Actively Participating in Your Own Happiness, as well as how this helped me to step into this new life chapter I'm in now. It was important to me to share my story, to share the fears and anxieties I experienced before being able to make such bold and huge life changes--to let others know that what they are going through may be normal and that you are not alone. I also wanted to share these things because seeing how much my life has changed and how happy I am now I hope would provide some inspiration and courage in your own lives. Sharing bits and pieces of my life and my story are always fun to me for these reasons; if I can change someone else's life, spark up a fire back in your own soul, or help you in any way then I feel like my work serves a greater purpose--and therefore my own story serves a greater purpose, which it does in each of us. Never underestimate the power of your own life and your own story. It is magical, it is gifted, and you gift the world by being in it. 

Anyway, please enjoy my rambling video blogs for now. ;)  

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☺ Being Your Unfiltered Self ☺

Whenever there is one of those moments of life-realizations that jumps into my world it seems to become a reoccurring theme. Perhaps it's because my awareness has been tuned onto such an epiphany, or perhaps because it is something that I feel I really need to work on; more so, I believe it is because it is something that I Want to work on and situations begin to surround me to provide such opportunity to grow and learn. Regardless of reason, the topic of our "filtered" selves has been my recent reoccurrence. 

When you choose to be fully yourself, you often times can run into confrontational viewpoints from others. When we step into ourselves it's not always something that fits society, and therefore can make people uncomfortable, jealous, envious, or questioning. Even if it's not something that goes against the typical "norm" of society, society still teaches us to filter ourselves, that there are parts of ourselves that we should hide, that we should behave a certain way, that our emotions are often wrong. 

For myself, I am covered in tattoos, currently have pink hair, and have several piercings on my face; I dress somewhere between hippie, steampunk, punk, and casually "normal"--being a designer no doubt has an influence on my sense of ever-changing style. Because of these things, I'm not exactly a "normal" fit into our traditional bland society. For the most part, I embrace these sides of myself headstrong, positively, and with the upmost joy. And then I got to thinking… I Do filter myself. Even though I am covered in tattoos, when I am meeting certain people I start to dress differently. I love showing off my tattoos, not because I want to be showy but because I feel in my element and completely myself in the summer time wearing what I want when I want. But I filter myself around certain people. I might choose to wear something "pretty" or a little more "conservative" to offset the brash tattoos, piercings, and pink hair. It's not that I don't dress this way on some days regardless--it's not a "fake" side to me--but, in certain situations, I do so to seem more "normal". So, the realization dawned on me: I filter myself because all of a sudden I become self-conscious about Who I Am. My tattoos, my piercings, how I choose to dress may seem outward, even egotistical to some people, but for me they are self-expression (and I believe this is the same for many artistic, wondrous individuals). So why would I filter any part of myself because of another person? Fully stepping into Who I Am is important to me, it is something that I watch some people do seemingly so flawlessly (and perhaps people think I am the same way from the outside, I'm not sure), but I am envious and I strive to be so confident and comfortable. I filter myself when I think I need to try to impress someone, or downplay another person's perhaps more "traditional" or "normal" comfort-level of what people should look like. But that's not who I am. A filtered self is not who I want to be, it is not who I strive to be. 

Why wouldn't we want to step into our fullest selves? While the mentality of filtering ourselves may be automatic, perhaps even without too much thought, I invite you to realize that filtering yourself in any way is counter productive. Think about it. We tend to sensor ourselves when meeting new people, because we think we need to make a good impression--but that's not showing our true selves, and we should only want to be around people that want our true selves; and if we are stuck around people that don't, then we should embrace ourselves regardless. Plenty of times people filter and sensor themselves in new relationships, because we believe we need to be more "tame", perhaps not "crazy", to impress them. But what's the point? In the long run, you're lying about Who You Are, and in any case you should only Want to be with someone where you can be entirely and completely yourself. This goes for any kind of relationship: friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, family, work, etc. 

We spend so much of our time filtering the things we say, the way we act, the way we look in order to make the people around us more comfortable. We filter ourselves out of a need to not hurt anyone's feelings , offend anyone, or to avoid confrontation. While in our heads this may seem like a good idea, showing our shiniest, most well-behaved sides, this also gives us the mentality that our own feelings are second to everyone else's. 

On top of that, it also doesn't show people the Real You. And you should always strive to be the Truest version of yourself, because life is too short to be anything else or to surround yourself with people that don't embrace the True You. 

Now, I should clarify… Filtering ourselves doesn't mean you're not still feeling like yourself, it just means (and feels like) you are not the Fullest Version of Yourself. It's not that the behaviour is fake, it just means you're putting forth only the "good stuff" so to speak. I struggled with this for a long time when I strived so hard to have a Positive Mental Attitude at all times; believing that any negative feelings were not good and that I should not show those sides of myself. It began to feel as if I wasn't allowed to be negative ever. I since learned that lesson, especially in such a social-networking platform as both my blogs. People need to realize that we are all Human. People have All different sides to themselves; and that includes the people you are trying to impress or sensor yourself around. By being fully yourself, you also encourage those around you to do the same; and, again, life is too short for anything else. You are human, just as the people around you are, just as I am. Yes, sometimes we are glowing balls of energy and light and beaming smiles; other times we have sad thoughts and irrational thoughts, we get angry, jealous, envious, and hurt, and sometimes we get depressed. All of our emotions, all of our wants and needs exist whether we show them or not, and they are just as important as the wants and needs of the people around you. This is why filtering yourself is counterproductive; because it leaves the impression that those wants and needs aren't valid. Essentially, you devalue yourself.  

There are several problems with devaluing yourself, mostly because it attacks your self worth and can leave you feeling unworthy of the people and situations around you. The behaviour of filtering yourself is also not healthy because, in the end, you are only building walls around yourself and against the people in your life. The encouragement in this is to remind yourself that you Are amazing, and you don't need to filter yourself for Anyone. The more you embrace your own self-worth, the more people will embrace it as well, and the less you will feel the need to filter yourself anyway. Allow yourself to be vulnerable--because that's certainly how it will feel at first--so that you can have a healthy relationship with Your Self again, and therefore healthy relationships with the people around you. This is a step in personal growth, and it is still (in my opinion) one of the greatest ones to learn: the more love you have for yourself, the more love you have for life and the people in it. 

I know it's not always an easy thing to do; I, for one, have come to realize I have a bad habit of this. Inspire and encourage yourself to be the Fullest Version of Yourself at all times. Remember your own self-worth. Remember that to embrace yourself fully means to embrace life and happiness more fully. Life is too short not to fully accept, embrace, and value yourself, those around you, and life. 

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☺ "Against Balance" ☺

We hear about balance a lot in our day-to-day struggle to be human, to do our best, and to find our calm and our perfect bliss in our lives. When a lovely woman in my own life shared this piece, I couldn't help but pass it along. I think it sums up the idea and struggle with "balance" perfectly. 

I hope you enjoy! 

Originally posted by Elizabeth Gilbert -- find her work here. 

Against BALANCE...

 Dear Ones -

 The other night at my event in St Paul, a young woman asked me about how I achieve balance in my life.

 First of all, I love that she thinks I have achieved balance in my life!

 Secondly, I felt the need to speak out once more against the subtle tyranny of the word BALANCE, which I think haunts and punishes modern women more and more every day. 

 We are constantly being told that we should be achieving balance — that we should somehow exquisitely be negotiating the relationships between our work lives, our home lives, our romantic lives, our health and well-being, our spiritual selves. You can't read an interview with a famous woman these days that the journalist does not applaud her for having achieved BALANCE....and then if you turn the pages of that magazine, you will find ten more articles showing how you can achieve balance. too!

 Be careful. 

 The word BALANCE has tilted dangerously close, I fear, to the word PERFECT — another word that women use as weapons against themselves and each other. 

 To say that someone has found the secret to a balanced life is to suggest that they have solved life, and that they now float through their days in a constant state of grace and ease, never suffering stress, ambivalence, confusion, exhaustion, anger, fear, or regret. Which is a wonderful description of nobody, ever. 

 Balance, when we do find it, is a breathtakingly temporary condition. We stand upon a world that spins at 2000 miles an hour. Our minds, meanwhile, spin at 200,000 miles an hour. We collide every day with other humans who are also sliding and spinning wildly. The landscape of our lives, therefore, changes by the minute. You find your balance one day and think, "Hooray! I have solved it" and then five minutes later the world utterly transforms again, and you're knocked on your ass one more time.

 That's just how life is on this planet — messy, fast, out of control, unpredictable. It's all terribly interesting, but also terribly unstable. 

 That being the case, I dropped the myth of BALANCE a long time ago. (I buried it right next to PERFECT.) My life seems happiest — as I tried to explain to this young woman the other night — when I just surrender to the madness, and embrace the glorious mess that I am...and also when I embrace the glorious mess that everyone else is, and the glorious mess of the world itself. My life gets the most painful when I try to set the entire mess (myself other people, life itself) into order. 

 The world is like a dropped pie most of the time. Don't kill yourself trying to put it back together. Just grab a fork and eat some of it off the floor. Then carry on.

 If you can get some stuff done in the chaos sometimes, god bless you. If you can basically hold it together, propping yourself up with duct tape and glue, rock on. If you can manage stay upright even one hour a day, you're doing pretty great, as far as I'm concerned. And if you can be kind to the other stumbling fools around you half the time — well, that's just heroic. 

 Basically, I think we are all just sloppy stupendous champions.

 Onward!

Heart,

LG

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☺ When Your Sense of Self is Challenged ☺

There have been many times here at the ReLove Plan.et blog in which I have explicitly encouraged people to love themselves as they are, to not care what others think, and to be yourself and be happy no matter what adversaries come your way. What I have not discussed is what to do when that sense of self, that sense of your own comfort in your identity, is challenged. Perhaps I never spoke of it because it has been a very long time since I've felt a deep overwhelming challenge in this area of my life. I have always been quirky, different, and in recent years done my best to embrace my individuality--something that has become easier and easier with every year as I become more and more secure in my own body and self. It felt like easy advice to give, and certainly something that each and every one of us can consciously work on: becoming comfortable with ourselves and embracing Who We Are. However, sometimes our sense of self can be vigorously challenged. While it has taken my own sense of self to be recently challenged to truly reflect on this topic, I am always glad for opportunities of insight and exploration; encouraging me to look at my identity, at people, at the world we live in, always providing new opportunities to learn and grow and share. 

So. Perhaps your sense of self is often challenged. Perhaps it is from family--and perhaps this is the most common one, especially if you really do embrace your quirks and lovely individuality and all the strangeness our society deems "unfit." Perhaps it is from friends (why would you want to have friends like that?), or coworkers, or peers in school, or any other number of people or circumstance. 

Our sense of self is almost always first challenged sometime during our school years. We start off so innocent and genuine, and then somewhere along the line society and the people that are a part of that society begin to make us feel as if we can't be ourselves and that we must fit a certain standard. Our innocent and genuine identity become tainted, twisted to try and fit in that narrow-minded box. Fortunately, many of us learn that we don't want to fit in the box or join the herd of society's sheep. 

While I was in school, I learned at a more subconscious level that I did not fit in and didn't want to fit in--after my own lack of success in trying. I learned to stick up for myself. As I became an adult I was somehow comfortable creating new identities for myself. I was a goth/metal kid for a long while. I probably tried entirely too hard to be "badass." I went through a mild hippie stage as well. At some point I accepted I was also rather a bit of a "geek." In the end, I learned to embrace all the individual parts of myself. But, that isn't what I'm talking about today (that's in the "Be Yourself" posts you can find on the rest of the blog). 

So, what challenged my sense of self recently? 

Let's Get Personal… 

First I will say that my sense of self is largely identified (to myself) by the inspiration, happiness, and warmth I try to spread to others and the world around me. I generally consider myself a good person who is out to help others and do the best I can in all areas (people around me, our planet, animals, etc.). These were things that were important to my character, things I resonated with, things that made me feel secure in who I Am. They still are, don't worry, but these ideals have been challenged, because my sense of self has been challenged. Why? Nothing has challenged my sense of self more than the very recent separation from my partner. Yes, we're going to get personal here; hopefully many of you can relate through your own relationship challenges, and if not hopefully it at least compares in some way to your own challenges. 

At first, I had to deal with the guilt of leaving a ten-year relationship with an awesome guy. Fortunately, I have pretty amazing friends and family who have supported me through all of this. However, there was a lot of questioning involved for myself--because I was very aware that I was hurting another person (my husband) and it made me feel, quite frankly, like a shitty human being. Of course, this logic isn't exactly sound. If I wasn't hurting him then I was hurting myself, and I was hurting the relationship, and therefore hurting him in the end regardless. While I have reminded myself of this logic repeatedly, it still made me feel like a not-so-great person. I accepted that it was something that needed to happen, that my Intention wasn't to actually hurt him, but to help both he and myself in life. Stagnation and self-harm is never a scenario you want to stick with. So those reminders helped too. 

My sense of self was challenged further as this little rabbit hole of my life continued. I had fallen in love with another man; a good friend at that, who was/is also my husband's friend. This made me feel like a shitty person too. Even though I never cheated on my husband, the guilt of falling in love before ending my relationship with him lingered. Since speaking to many other female friends and acquaintances, I have come to realize my situation was not exactly unusual, and in fact was quite common. Perhaps it is because we are often too afraid of hurting the person we're with to end relationships when we should, and so falling for a close friend may feel easier, even safer, if not usually accidental. Oh what denial can do to us!

Both of these circumstances made me feel not like the person I had spent a long time becoming and loving. What you should also understand is that I used to hate myself rather passionately, so becoming someone I was proud of and loved was a big step and accomplishment in my life. 

Since this has all transpired, the spiral continued. Suddenly, I felt like everyone was judging me. It is amazing what can go through your mind at times like this, challenging our security within ourselves as much as it challenges Who we feel we Are. I began to wonder what my friends truly thought of me, what outsiders would think and/or say, what people were saying behind my back. I had suddenly opened myself up to a huge window in which there was room for judgement. 

Further reflection upon this has reminded me that there are always windows for judgement. Being vegan is a window for judgment. Being environmentally conscious is a window for judgement; being "consciously aware" is a window for judgement; being "unique" is a window, dying your hair, having piercings, having tattoos, having dreadlocks, what we choose to wear, how we choose to act… really just Being Yourself is a window for judgment, because it causes people to reflect on their own lack of sense of self. Many people become jealous and/or uncomfortable by anything that challenges the sheep-like society we live in. Of course, people are breaking these barriers every day, but there are still plenty of people who are afraid of change or anything different from themselves--I think these people, more than anything, are just afraid of being themselves, therefore it is easier to judge others so that they can feel better about their own lack of identity and individuality and fear of being themselves openly. 

I realize this is a pretty long-winded post. Perhaps this should be more of a "free flow thoughts" sort of post; but I feel like plenty of people can relate to this subject so it is one I wanted to openly discuss and find some enlightenment with. 

What I've come to learn, is that, at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what other people think of you. All you can do--and all you Should do--is Be Yourself, fully and openly and as comfortably as possible. The higher our level of comfort and acceptance we have for ourselves and our decisions, the more those around us are accepting as well. Opening the window of self-doubt opens that same window to others. People can see and sense your self-doubt and insecurity; if you can't be comfortable with your own self and decisions, then how are others supposed to either? Of course, no matter how comfortable and accepting you are of your own self, there will always be Someone there to question it, there will always be Someone that has something negative to say--such is life. This is why our value should never come from anyone else but ourselves. Also, your friends should always be understanding, the people that matter will always be on your side--and if they're not then you should probably find new people.

Since I was speaking of relationships as well, I will return to a final thought on that as well… Any end to a relationship requires two people. For a long while much of my guilt and lack of security within myself was due to me taking all the blame and responsibility. Once I was able to remember and see that my husband had just as big a role to play in the unravelling of our relationship, my sense of self began to return with more confidence. It takes two people. And we all have reasons for the decisions we make, so hold onto that, whatever those decisions may be--whether it involves a relationship or any other aspect in life.    

What are your own thoughts on your sense of self or "identity"? What challenges have entered your own life in which you felt extremely challenged in this area? And what insights have you gained, and coping methods have you learned in this area? Would love to hear from you all! 

As always, so much Love! 

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☺ Reflections on the New Chapter of My Life ☺

There is no denying… this lovely blog is becoming consumed by the current circumstances of my own life. I feel as if that is okay though; after all, I am a writer that shares life lessons and experiences, so why would the experiences of my own life not be shared with you all in hopes to help you reach some "ah ha" moment in your own life? Or perhaps for me to selfishly explore and discover the inner workings of my own life and then sharing such with you. Win-win then? Okay, I'll go with that.  

The truth is that the end of my marriage and this new chapter of my life is clearly absorbing most of my current time. But I also want to blog. I want to blog about my experience. So, once more, why not?

{from my recent Vancouver adventure}

Reflections on the New Chapter of My Life. 

Change can be scary. The fear of Change, worse so, will hold us back.  

Life can be quirky and unexpected. In fact, just when we think we have our entire "life plan" figured out the curveball comes a swinging to redirect us. I thought I was going to live happily ever after with my husband. I thought he was "the one". We were high school sweethearts, got married at 22, and shared a good ten years together in which most of our relationship was quite blissful, if not incredibly arduous (partly because we were so young, mostly because there was a lot of personal turbulence that directly affected each our lives, particularly mine). 

Ending any relationship isn't easy, add the word "marriage" into that and it's even more uneasy, add the words "ten years" and you ignite a personal complex. The most difficult part of the decision, however, was that I wasn't leaving my partner because he was a bad person, in fact he is an absolutely amazing person and any woman would be lucky to have him. It was why it took me a gruelling six months of tug-o-war with my own mind and heart to finally make a decision. After all, I was leaving a man I had committed myself to, a man that I had loved deeply for years, a man that treated me well and a man who was enlightened, conscious, kind, and in so many ways very much like me in our personal beliefs. There was a point in which I wondered what was wrong with me to have fallen out of love with such a man. 

Compatibility. 

Being on different paths.

Being different people and wanting different things. 

Personal traumas and troubles in which we no longer supported one another.

These were all the real reasons I think my marriage fell apart, why I fell out of love, and why I needed to move on. His soul no longer resonated with my own and our interests changed. I will say again: it's hard leaving someone who is good to you; it will make you question the deepest parts of yourself. But the mistakes we made during our time together played their weight in the ending, and so did many other factors. Falling out of love with someone is a strange feeling. But I learned to respect myself, to be honest with myself, and to listen to my heart, which were all vital in my own well-being--and things that I had a hard time accepting for a long long time. People (including ourselves) change, and there is nothing we can do about that. People end up going down different roads, developing different interests, striving for different desires, and requiring different attributes and needs from our inner selves and the partners we are with. This moves us onto different frequencies that are no longer resonating with the inner most important parts of our beings. That is when change is required, when it is time to be honest with yourself and to see the truth. None of this means the person we were with was a bad person, and it doesn't mean "it's not you, it's me", it just means that our paths are heading in different directions. Accepting this truth opened my world and allowed the guilt to ease and my decision to be made with more confidence.

My point in all this, if there is any, is that I thought I was going to live happily ever after with my husband in our dream home with a happy little pig, puppy, and our two cats, with an extravagant food garden, and a lifetime of sprinkled fairy dust on top. Life throws us curves balls. What we thought we wanted may sometimes not be what we actually want, or, even more so, what we actually need. There is a moment in life where we feel like we are going against the current; this is a good sign and feeling to listen to. If you are constantly fighting against a current, then it is probably not in your best interest to pursue. This was the case with my marriage. It felt as if I was constantly fighting against a current. This feeling was what gave me my first wake-up call: when I realized my life wasn't what I wanted it to be. I also came to see that there were things that I wanted that my current circumstance could not provide me--not because of him, but because of myself. I realized I needed change. I realized I needed a different environment in order to grow and learn new things about myself and to enrich my life again; to, basically, continue my life journey in the truest resonance to my soul. My faith in the Universe contributes to my peace of mind in all this, because I do believe it is looking out for each of us, but I also believe that we have to actively participate in our lives as well for it to be good and rich and abundant in all areas. Actively participate, listen to your heart, trust the signs, and trust that whatever decision you make can be the right decision. 

I remember wishing someone could make the decision for me. I remember looking for signs from the Universe every day. It's easy to misinterpret outward signs, the real sign was actually in my heart, I was just in complete denial of this for a long time--a time I regret. If I had listened to my heart sooner, if I had been honest with myself sooner, than perhaps this ending would have been easier. But, everything happens for a reason. Better late than never. 

As terrifying and woeful as ending my marriage has been (there is nothing in the world that has ever made my heart hurt so badly), I am also excited for the future. I had given up on love, part of me didn't believe it were possible; I mean, if my husband wasn't "the one", who else could be? Again, life can surprise you, and sometimes "the one" is actually right in front of you. Love is real. I really truly deeply believe and (dare I say) know this to be true. If we set the right intention, know that we are deserving, and remember to love ourselves, then we absolutely welcome the right person into our lives. 

Change can be scary. But change also opens us up to the world we deserve, the world we strive for, the world we are manifesting. Change is good; only our resistance to it is bad. Sometimes we just have to pull up the courage to do what we need for ourselves--and that often times requires the biggest leap of faith and making the hardest decisions. Through all this personal experience, I promise you, having the courage to listen to your heart is the most rewarding experience you will have--even if it is intimidating, even if it may seem devastating and difficult. Trust your heart. Trust that inner voice that is trying to guide you, trying to bring to you what you strive for, need, and desire. That little voice knows, because it resonates the deepest parts of your soul. So, learn to listen, and welcome goodness into your life. 

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☺ Where'd the Posts Go?! *Update!* ☺

The ReLove Plan.et blogs have been sorely neglected, this I apologize for. Sorry, and not sorry; not out of being self-important, but out of the feeling that apologies aren't required for many things in life in which we feel the need to apologize for--but I'll get to that in another post as I am already getting off topic (that was fast!). 

Where did I go? Why so quiet? Where are the positive posts and other fun stuff you're used to seeing here? 

Well. My life sort of fell on its head the last couple of weeks (yes, apparently my life has a head). Actually, when being honest, my life sort of fell on its head a couple of years back, or at least that's when the spiral commenced. Long story short, my husband and I are separating. Before you break out the box of tissues and the sad violin, a couple of things I'd like to note on this…  

1. I am not looking for sympathy; nor do I feel this is a place where people need to say "sorry to hear that" which seems to be the most common response to people finding out. 

2. This is a Good thing. While my partner is an amazing individual and I am not leaving him out of anything against his person (he really is an amazing person with so much to offer the world and others), the decision was based off a need for myself and my own (and I do believe his) personal growth and journey. We grew apart. By association, our relationship became neglected and I fell out of love. Simple as that. Which is not so simple, but that's it described in its most basic form, without all the details and mess and emotions and road that led to all of this. I will always love and care about my husband, but our lives were taking separate paths and we were perhaps not as compatible as we had thought to be. People change. Life Changes. It was time for me to be honest with myself (which was gruellingly difficult) and to listen to my heart (which I shut out for so long). While emotions are understandably running high and flailing about, I do feel positive about this decision. It was time for me to rediscover a piece of myself that I lost. And I do feel that I am already rediscovering and exploring these sides of myself. 

Okay, so that being said, the blog, and my work for that matter, are being neglected. Not because I don't want to blog--in fact I feel incredibly inspired through all of this to write, write, write--but because life is changing and complicated right now. I am in the process of moving out, packing, and manifesting my perfect little bungalow. My life is changing immensely. IMMENSELY! I have spent the past ten years with my husband, from the time I was seventeen and still in high school, and so the world is a brand new canvas for me to paint, rediscover and uncover other parts of my soul. 

I am excited. I am enthusiastic. I am positive. And I am guilty as hell for feeling those things, but learning to allow myself to be happy and To feel those positive emotions. I would love to (and will very soon) write a more in-depth post about Allowing Ourselves to Be Happy (in the face of other misery), because through this experience it has been one of the biggest challenges and blocks I have discovered about myself that I have held onto since I was a child; and has been one of the greatest obstacles to moving forwards. 

Sometimes we hold on to guilt as if it will make the other person feel better. It doesn't. Guilt only serves to burn you. And letting go is one of the most rewarding and healing lessons to any hardships we face in life, and especially so in our relationships. 

Life can be strange. Unexpected. But it is also beautiful. I am and always will be a huge believer that everything happens for a reason and that everything falls into place in the end. I know this to be truth through my own experience. I can see the magic still glowing around me and it is certainly inspiring. And so, I invite you to continue this journey with me, as I enter a new chapter of my life and while I share my experiences and lessons in hopes they may serve you or awaken a part of yourself that also may be dormant (as it has in me). We are all here to learn from one another, and I can't say how fortunate I feel to be sharing my journey with so many of you who appreciate my posts. It means the world to me. Thank you.  

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☺ Get Motivated for Spring/Summer! Woot woot! ☺

Whereeee have I beeen??? 

Busy as always. But I shall spare you some drivel of excuses as to why my absence of blogging has transpired lately. 

What I DO want to blog about are two exciting opportunities for self-development, happiness, inspiration, and motivation! 

I'm a  huge believer in Actively Participating in Your Own Happiness (I am going to write another extended post about this soon). What this means is, well, exactly what is says: Actively Participating in Your Own Happiness! Happiness, true, can take work, especially while rewiring the brain and creating new thought habits, which is why actively doing things that will increase that happiness and help rewire the brain are so important. Sometimes it's easier to just sit on the couch, grumble, and complain about life. BUT, you could instead jump up off the couch, do a little happy dance, and do something that will increase the level of happy bouncing around your head. Active Participation. Motivation may not always be on your side, and that's when things can get tricky, hence forth: Motivation to Get Your Happy… Read on! 

First up…

100 Happy Days

You may remember me writing about the #365grateful project, yes? No? Well, this is a similar idea, but perhaps a little more manageable and a little less daunting. Very simply put, 100 Happy Days is to focus and post about something that makes you happy for 100 days straight. As they say on their site, most people don't have the time for this. How absurd, how crazy? How guilty am I of this? Equally guilty as the next, which is why I decided to commit to this challenge and actively participate in my own happiness. 

Honestly, I'm going to spare all the details because that's exactly what the blissfully colourful buoyant website is for (clickity click)--don't worry it is short, to the point, and the site is so fun that I'm sure it will immediately make you say "I want to do That!"

You can check out my participation in the challenge on instagram--let me know where I can find you! Or tag #relovehappydays so I can find you :)

Sign up for the challenge here: http://100happydays.com

Next up!

David Suzuki's 30x30 Nature Challenge

You may remember this challenge from last year, if you don't, here's what it's about:

For the month of May (that means starting tomorrow) spend at least 30 minutes a day outside in nature. 30 Minutes for 30 Days!

Simple, awesome, why not commit to it?

This challenge was a lot of fun last year and certainly gave me the motivation to get outside on even the dreary days or the days I felt like not really doing much other than laying in bed and watch cartoons--just kidding, I'm too busy to do that ;). Anyyyyways, it's a fun challenge, and nothing makes you feel more alive and blissful and happy (proven fact ;)) than getting outside. You know, grounding your feet in the earth, allowing the energy to flow through you, feeling that beautiful sun on your face and feed your body vitamin D, and, well, just reconnecting with nature, the way life was intended to be lived. 

You can check out my participation in this one on Instagram as well, and keep in touch with the tag #30x30relove . I don't expect to be posting photos every day, but I would love to see what you are up to out in nature as well! 

Sign up for the challenge here: http://30x30.davidsuzuki.org

So! I hope you are motivated! And I hope you are ready to Get Happy and to Actively Participate in Your Own Happiness! After all, things don't change unless you choose it, unless you take a stand and do something for Yourself. Make a change, feel great, hop hop to it! 

Have a wonderfully blissful happy happy day! And don't forget to smile. ;) 

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