☺ Self-Empowerment ☺

 

I believe in self-empowerment. I believe that if you give someone the reins to their lives then they will do great things. I believe if you empower someone to know that they are wonderful creators, that they can decide their paths, that people can heal and move into spaces of greatness in their lives. 

Responsibility will always be a finicky thing. It is a concept that most will have a difficult time wrapping their minds around at first, and allowing the concept to be empowering as opposed to taking resent or hostility towards. Taking responsibility does not serve you if you allow it to be self-defeating. Meaning, if you accept that you are responsible for your life, but do so in a way playing the "poor me" attitude, then all you are going to do with that responsibility is blame yourself, feel badly about yourself, and blame yourself some more. Blame is not accepting responsibility. Blame pushes you into deeper states of self-loathing, and that is not the point of empowerment or taking that responsibility. Taking responsibility means accepting that, yes, you made some mistakes, because you're human after all and mistakes are part of growth. That is what you are accepting; not that you should feel badly for mistakes, but that you should own up to them, accept them, and empower yourself because of them; because you are human and you are on a path like everyone else in this world, stumbling, and learning, and growing through trial and error and experience. Taking responsibility means allowing yourself to make mistakes, and accepting that it's okay to do so. Taking responsibility means choosing to grow from mistakes, instead of feeling crippled by them. 

People also often associate this responsibility as an accusation towards their battered state (in their initial response). So let's make this clear: taking responsibility does not mean that you Wanted to damage yourself or your life, or that you Wanted to put yourself in a shitty situation. Perhaps certain old patterns, thoughts, or universal wave-lengths led you from one place to another, but that doesn't mean you Purposefully wanted to throw yourself into some hellish life or situation or circumstance. Taking responsibility simply means that you accept what is (and, again, not Blaming yourself or others), and choose to shape the life ahead of you. It means accepting that you cannot change your past but that you Can shape your future.  

Taking responsibility means Empowering yourself. It means saying "I Can!" Self empowerment is saying fuck the odds that are against you and going forward anyway, ready to claim what you want, what you deserve, what you dream your life to be. Self-empowerment means not settling, but striving for excellence, striving for your dreams and never letting anything get in your way. It means not accepting no for an answer--especially if others tell you you can't. Self-empowerment means being a Doer. It means planting as much enthusiasm you have at any given moment into your wants and dreams. Self-empowerment means constantly striving for self-improvement. And it also means empowering others as much as it means empowering yourself. It means lifting yourself and others up, and never kicking someone (or yourself) when they are down. It means choosing love over all other emotions; but accepting that all other emotions will and should be felt, expressed, and then let go of. It means being non-judgmental and understanding; to both yourself and others. It means accepting that you are human; that you will stumble and fall and cry, but that, after the rain has fallen, you can still stand back tall, brush yourself off, and keep being awesome. Self-empowerment means never feeling badly for being human, for having a "bad day", or a "bad moment", or a "bad month". Self-empowerment means being gentle with yourself. It means nourishing and nurturing your sense of self, and never tearing it apart. It means seeing your wondrous worth. It means being grateful for all that you are, and loving all that you are. It means encouraging yourself. And it means being courageous. It means building yourself up. It means believing in yourself and believing that good things are coming and Knowing that all things are possible.  

Self-Empowerment means saying Yes to possibilities, to magic, and believing in Miracles so that you may welcome such miracles into your life. Because all things are possible. 

    

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☺ This too shall pass: How to Let Go and Move Forward ☺

I think it's human nature, perhaps the way our society is today, that we have a tendency to hold onto things as if our lives depend on them. Even if these are bad things. In fact, it's usually the bad things that we hold onto. We don't like change. We like what is comfortable and normal to us, again, even if such things are actually bad. It's still "normal" and familiar so we cling to it and fall into the same habits because they are so familiar. 

Our minds are also obsessive, muling over events or experiences, wondering if we could have done things differently, blaming ourselves or others, and stressing ourselves to sickness. We resist moving forward and cling to negative experiences. Constantly.  

We all do it. But we can also all work through it and learn to let it go. Because stress has no place in your beautiful wonderful life. 

So are you ready to let go and move forward? Okay, here we go!

Steps to letting go and moving forward: 

1. Remember that it was not your fault. Life is unpredictable, full of so many varying factors and people and things that we simply cannot change or predict. We cannot stop the "bad" from sometimes crossing our paths. Even if you are the direct cause of someone’s pain, things happen for a reason and so do your actions. You must lookout for yourself and sometimes there is a ripple that not everyone is favourable to. We all make mistakes, it's how we learn, so there is no place for guilt as long as you learn.
2. "Stress Happens when the Mind Resists what Is" Keep in mind that negative feelings do not serve you. Feeling guilty, down, sad, angry, unforgiving, or anything of the sort locks you in place and doesn't help you, others, or your predicament. Worrying is a misuse of your imagination. Instead, accept what has happened and remind yourself that stressing serves zero purpose. Spend more time imagining a positive outcome instead. 
3. You can’t change the past. Even if you make a mistake or feel guilty over past actions, there is nothing you can do about it anymore. What's done is done. The only thing that really matters is this moment Right Now. Dwelling on the past won’t change it. What you Can do is take lessons from your past mistakes so that you can create a better future. That being said, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ll never make them again. We have a tendency to repeat our actions and situations until the lessons become a part of us. Don't get discouraged by repetition, just know that you are still heading in the right direction. Releasing the past is your ticket to moving forward freely in life.
4. Everything happens for a reason. The reason for things happening in our lives may not be immediately clear to us, but things have a way of falling into place at some point or another. The way to see the reasons sooner is by learning the lessons and seeking out the positive. You can't move forward if you're always looking back. While you may be waiting for a clear "falling into place," you can always seek out a comforting answer or an opportunity for change in even the shittiest situations if you look closely enough for the light. Remember that attitude is everything. 
5. You get a second Chance every Day. A new day brings a clean slate, a fresh start, a new beginning. You get a second chance every single second of every single day. If you're having trouble moving forward then remember that you can always move, change majors, quit your job, or just decide to get out of bed and make today kick-ass. The power to change is always in your hands, it is always your responsibility to move forward. Your Choice.  
6. Will it matter a Year from Now? Picture yourself five years from now, will you even remember today? Will you remember what it was that you are so concerned about in this moment that you are stressing yourself silly? Will you remember eating all that cake, or failing a test, or getting shot down by a guy/girl, or getting into a fight with your friends? What seems world-ending today probably isn’t going to ruin your life.
7. You Deserve Good Things. One of the major blocks holding us back is our lack of self-worth. We can't move forward when we don't feel as if we deserve good things in our lives. This is something that you must must must work through. Learn to love yourself, to accept yourself, and to welcome good things into your life. Know that you are awesome. Know that You Are Deserving. Repeat this to yourself daily. 

 Lastly… the next time you feel yourself stressing out… 

Take a step back. Take a deep breath and just try to laugh and force a smile. 

Take a second to remember exactly who you are, what you are about, and what you stand for. L

Life will never give you anything in this world that you can't handle! 

Remember to be strong, be adaptable, appreciate yourself, appreciate others, and keep moving positively forward!

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☺ Learning to Stop Judging ☺

Judging others: we all do it entirely too much and for no good reason. But the truth is, judging others is really just a reflection of ourselves, of our own insecurities, of our own issues, and what we need to work on in life. Life is about individuality, freedom of choice, expression of your self in any way you please. Life is about making our own mistakes so that we can learn from them, and about making our own decisions, whether or not others view them as "bad" or "good." So stop with the hate and scrutiny, and judgment. Everyone is perfectly imperfect in their own beautiful individuality. Everyone's story and life is their own. Their mistakes are theirs to make just as their life is theirs to live. 

Most of us can't honestly say that we never judge. We have at some point in our lives, whether we'll admit to it or not. A lot of this is mild. Most of this is conditioned beliefs and society-based. Most of this is also a problem with ourselves, not the other person. I know plenty of people that were judged by their first appearance and then turned out to be amazing wonderful people. I know others that were judged by their actions, simply because others didn't agree with something they were doing. But judging is automatic most of the time, never taking the moment to stop and attempt to place yourself in another's shoes, never taking a moment to stop and accept that you are not always right, that you don't know everything, and that, no, you don't understand. So what possible reason is there to judge another? None. Period. 

The truth is that, usually, we will never walk a mile in another's shoes and we will never truly understand another person's thought process or decisions. But you don't have to. All you have to do is give others the respect and kindness they deserve and space to be who they want to be and do what they want. Obviously, this goes without saying that you should never put yourself in a personally damaging situation. It also goes without saying that sometimes people need help when they are being self-destructive. But that still doesn't warrant you to be the Judgement Police. Be kind, loving, open-minded, and open-hearted. Be there for people without the baggage of unhelpful scrutiny. Judgement simply has no place and is never helpful. It is just another way for us to lash out when we have problems with ourselves and with our own lives. Beware of this deflecting habit.

Don't worry, I'm not calling you out for judging others. And I'm not judging you for judging others either ;). It doesn't make you a bad person for judging, so don't feel badly. Again, we have grown up in a society that conditions us to believe certain things, to hold certain values, and a whole lot of brainwashing that has lead to our judging of others. It takes time and work to break free of these embedded thought habits. We also live in a society that teaches us to deflect our own problems onto others. So what I'm simply drawing to your attention is that everyone is guilty of judging but that it should stop. I'd like to believe, after all, that we are moving towards a more positive and loving and open-minded future.  

If you catch yourself being judgemental towards others, stop and turn the thought around. Say something nice about the person instead. The other thing to do when you catch yourself judging another, is to think about why you are doing so. Reflect and think it through carefully and try to come to a conclusion about yourself, not about the other person. If you can't find a conclusion then you're not thinking hard enough. The only problem we have with other people is that they are contradicting one of our values, or they have something that we don't--whether it's something physical, material, or within--or it's simply us deflecting other problems we are experiencing in our lives. Watch out for jealousy, one of judgment's other perpetrators. 

It takes practice and it takes times, and even when you think you've got it figured out, you still might find yourself accidentally judging another person. The point is to work on this attitude as much as possible. Remember that we are all one in the same. We are all on this planet together. We are all going through something. And many of us have been in similar situations. One thing that made me learn the hard way about judging is when I used to judge others for their habits or decisions, I used to think some things people did were "bad." It wasn't until I found myself in a similar situation that I had a better understanding of why people did those things. I vowed to stop judging then and there. People always have a reason, and we will never fully understand why. So, again, there is simply no place for judgment.  The simple fact is this: we are no one but ourselves, you are not the person you are judging. People come in all types, personalities, and walks of life. And there is something positively beautiful and inspiring about this.

Learn to be Curious not Judgmental. Respect others as human beings, we're all on this planet together after all. 

We all need to practice a little more sympathy, understanding, compassion, and love for one another. No more Judging. Free your mind of hatred. It is that simple. Can you make the first step? I say go for it! Practice makes perfect. And you'll find a definite lift in your own heart once you start and a deeper sense of understanding and compassion. 

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☺ Inspirational; No Ones Perfect ☺

In general people focus on negativities far too often. One of those negativities is that we see the faults in others before we see the positive and good in that person. Perhaps it's because we strive to feel better about ourselves, so if we can make others look bad then it makes us feel better about our own faults.

Here's the reality that we need to accept and get over so that we can be more kind to ourselves and to others...

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. 

We shouldn't have to explain ourselves to anyone. The point of making mistakes is that we grow and learn from them (hopefully). There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. The sooner we get over this the less judgmental we'll learn to be with ourselves and with others. 

The other downside to this negative mentality is that we spend so much time focussing on other's faults that we don't focus and accept our own, which are the ones we actually have control over. It becomes our distraction, but this distraction keeps us from improving and becoming a better person. Quit being so judgmental and hypocritical. Chances are if there's a negative aspect your focussed on in another person, it's a direct reflection of one of your own faults or inner turmoils that you're trying to feel better about. It comes down to that positive or negative mental attitude. When you give yourself the time to examine your attitude you should be quick to realize that it is negative. When you are having such a conflict with another person, more often than not, the problem you have is not really with that person, it is with yourself. Taking the time to solve your own problem you will find that you no longer have a problem with them. 

"When I am faced with a problem that involves misunderstandings with other persons, I must first start with myself." 

Think about why you're being hypocritical, think about why you are feeling this way and work on that instead of taking it out on someone else. Think before you speak. It comes back to responsibility, accepting blame, and working on your own life instead of trying to control others and telling someone else how to live their lives. Live your life the way you see fit and let others live theirs as they see fit. This doesn't mean you can't tell others helpful suggestions or opinions, but there is a difference between being helpful or being an ignorant nag. Come from a place of genuine love and caring. And vise-versa; if someone gives you some advice we usually automatically get defensive, so stop first and consider another's viewpoint. There's usually at least a little reality to be taken and self-improvement is always good for the soul. Don't get defensive, take everything with a grain of salt, and be open-minded and receptive and loving. 

Don't be a hypocrite and don't be judgmental. 

Start focusing on the positive aspects of another instead of looking for or dwelling on the faults. 

No one's perfect and everyone makes mistakes. That does not mean anyone is a "bad" person. All people have the potential of beauty in their character if given a chance, sometimes they just need to be shown that compassion and love to unveil it. Life is beautiful. Mistakes are beautiful and help us grow. 

Don't be so hard on others or on yourself and learn to look for the beauty and good in another. As such, practice this with yourself just as much, if not more. If you can learn to be loving, accepting, and non-judgmental with yourself, it will become easier and more natural to do so with others. Come from a place of love and understanding and let go of judgment and condescending. These are negatives that will not benefit yourself or those around you. 

Always remember; strive to be see, live, and breathe positivity. Be patient and understanding of others. Everyone is on their own journey and everyone has their own reasoning behind their choices and actions. Be accepting of that. It is not your place to be judgmental. Trust that people have their reasons and that you may not always understand. And that's okay, you don't have to. If it is not your situation then you cannot possibly fully understand, and, again, that is okay. What you do need to understand is just that; you can't understand everything so don't judge and don't be disrespectful.  

No one is perfect. And we are perfectly imperfect in that. Learn from your mistakes and live your life from a place of love instead of hate. Be compassionate, be loving, be accepting, be respectful, and be understanding. Be you and be patient and let go of judgment.  

Peace & Love

xo

~Bianca 

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