Saturday, March 30, 2013

{life reflections}

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{life reflections}
 Weekly thoughts and rambles. A glimpse into my mind and world. 
These are entries that I might jot down in my Happy Diary; what happens when we put our fingers to the keyboard and allow our thoughts to flow uninhibited. Reflections from the soul. 
Reflections of life.  

I hope to leave you inspired. 
If you want to share your own reflections of the week please leave a link to your "life reflections" entry in the comments for all to find and see.
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Dreams are strange things. Sometimes I try to understand them. Sometimes they make sense, sometimes they don't. Sometimes you can figure out where they came from, like a collection of things you saw or events from your day replaying and reappearing sporadically into your dreams. Other times it's like you can see the future, see things before they happen, and can totally blow your mind. Like this one time I had a dream about boxing (and I was wearing boxing gloves), very random and out of nowhere, and then the next day when we were checking out some thrift stores I saw a pair of boxing gloves--what??!!! And then there was the time in elementary school that I had a dream about a girl in the class getting her hair cut and the next day she'd had a hair cut. Very strange and a little creepy? 
Then there are the dreams that are trying to tell us something. Maybe? Honestly, I don't really know where I stand with the dreamworld. It's such a strange and fascinating place. 
Where am I going with this? I suppose family has been on my mind a lot lately, of ordeals of the past, of things perhaps I am afraid of repeating. The truth is my family life has been chaotic and the source of a lot of joy and a lot of stress and pain in my life. The last couple years I feel as if a calm began and has been getting better ever since. But life can be surprising and it all depends what we're manifesting. I'm a little afraid of manifesting more drama. Fear is such an annoying and silly thing in our lives that is best to be put aside, especially when our thoughts can manifest our fears into reality. Still, sometimes it nags at us and sometimes certain things take extra work to get through. My family fears are one of those. Apparently. 
A year ago I never would have imagined my family to be where it is today. It's inspiring. It's a bloody miracle is what it is. I spent a lot of time focussing on the positive, visualizing what I wanted my family life to be like, and being grateful for what I had. Considering how things are now, it feels as if it's worked. But life can be surprising and repeat ordeals as soon as we stop focussing on the positive, complain, or become fearful. 
Last night I had a very vivid dream. I'm still trying to decide whether it was a warning sign, a premonition, a realization and reflection of what I've been feeling lately, or a lesson to teach me to let go. I want my relationship with both my mother and my father to be better. With my mother, I love her to death, she's one of my best friends, a constant source of inspiration and love in my life. But lately I haven't seen her enough. I've also realized that I'm afraid of disappointing her, or of her feeling I'm not on her side. Mom, if you're reading this I'm sorry for feeling this way and I love you. 
I guess I'm sharing this here today because I know so many people have problems with their families. Family is love, it's life, it's joy. But family involves a lot of different people, a lot of different people's problems, perspectives, and emotions. So things, naturally, can get messy and people don't always see eye to eye. I don't think any family is perfect, but certainly appreciating what you have helps and will bring about more joy within it. That and remembering that you don't all have to always agree to get along. ;)
As for my father… I mentioned recently that things have gotten a lot better with us, after years of estrangement and ordeals. I want to work on that. I am happy of where things are at right now. But my dream last night was about him. It was a repeat of the past few years, of our usual circle together that ends with me in tears and disappointed. 
So, I'm trying to decide if the dream was a warning, or if it was simply a nudge for me to let go of outcome, enjoy the moment, and to stop being afraid. You can't be afraid or disappointed if you're not attached to the outcome, if you're not setting yourself up for disappointment with expectations. Life's too short to not take risks or to not be bold because you're afraid. Fear holds us back, courage and taking risks propels us forward. 
I do believe the dream last night was merely showing me my own thoughts, how I was feeling that I hadn't really acknowledged. I want a better relationship with my father, but I am still afraid of being hurt again. But that's something I can work on now that I've acknowledged it. Love is letting for of fear. Life is being who you are and not being afraid or ashamed. Life is following your heart and your passions, and pursuing your hopes and dreams. Ultimately, life is about being positive. It's all about attitude, right?! Right! 
Personally, I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of being afraid of hurting people by simply following my heart. It's my life and I'm going to live it the way I want, and have the relationships that I choose, and be the person that I want to be. I want to be free to speak my mind, to do what I want, and to wear my heart on my sleeve. I want to be bold and courageous. I want to let go of fear. Because fear is the only thing holding me back. Fear is that silly nagging voice that tells you things are impossible. Fear is the little devil on your shoulder that makes you doubt, that makes you manifest the things you don't want into your life. So letting go of fear will bring about the positive, will bring forth the things you Do want. 
I always always come from a place of love. Always. It's just difficult when people don't always realize that. It's difficult when you feel misunderstood. It's hard because you are you and they are they. We're all different, we all see things differently, we all experience things differently. 
I do believe though, if you live through your heart, if you always come from a place of love, then, eventually or immediately, things will always fall into place. Perhaps that's all I need to take away from this and any other experience in life; to live with love and to let go of fear. Because the last thing you should be afraid of is love.    


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  1. fear is so interesting, as are dreams! I felt that way about the really vivid cougar dream and Aerilaya. super super scary. and then cougar tracks around our house a couple of weeks later! AH.
    I think fear is also part of survival, a pre-warning so to speak. I am going to give the example of why Scott and I stay where we are despite being broke ALL the time, we can garden and support our family with food and water and shelter so should anything to do with the economy collapsing or global warming weather changes affecting food supply, etc occur we can still support our family's survival. BUT is that living in fear if nothing bad every happens globally OR is it being prepared for something? its hard to know where to draw the line because living in fear is never good, but sometimes people survive because they have a weird feeling about something and that also acts as protection.
    I find dreams confusing because I think sometimes it is foresight, sometimes it is sub-conscious fears unfolding in the dream world. sometimes they are things a person is ignoring but needs to deal with. so hard to understand and interpret dreams! especially when something in the real world connects to a dream in the subconscious world.

    ah.. the human brain...

    1. I still think fear is different than a helpful being "prepared" if that makes sense? Like, you should want to be where you are because it's such a blessing to live where we are. Being prepared if the economy crashes should just be a bonus. I get what you're saying, but in my experience fear is what attracts your fears. Like, perhaps you guys are struggling with money, work etc. because you feel like you're here out of fear? Just a thought ;) Have to be careful what your thoughts are if you want to attract positive things into your life, right?

    2. haha I know! I am thankful ALL the time to live in such a beautiful place and have a garden etc. sometimes it just feels like we can't climb out of this financial hole :(

  2. Awe B this is inspiring and something I needed to hear today! I personally love spreading happiness and love, but the step back for me is I don't open up enough. ( the fear you speak of ) I'll get frustrated/sad over something and wish someone would notice but I have to remember, how can someone make me smile when they believe I am never sad? This I plan to work on! Have an awesome Monday! I plan to turn this day around! Can't wait to see you again!


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